SPEAKER_01 0:07

This is unplugged and turned on, where we drop the masks, challenge the rules, and explore what connection, desire, and relationships really look like beneath the surface. This is an adult podcast and is not intended for anyone under the age of 18. So if you're under 18, go find something else to listen to. I'm Neil. And I'm Trinity.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

And together we're getting into the real stuff: attraction, intimacy, communication, and the moments that actually create chemistry.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

No scripts, no pretending. Just honest conversations about what turns us on. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. So go ahead. Unplug a little.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

And let's turn something on. All right. Welcome back. Episode three. I'm Neil. And I'm Trinity. And today we're gonna follow up with where we left off on the last story about a couple that we had met up with um at a house party, our first house party, the BDSM party. Yeah, our first house party experience. Absolutely. Right. The serendipitous slash Kivet meetup uh with a couple episodes.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

Planet Alignments.

SPEAKER_02 1:31

That's right, planet alignment with a couple that we had actually been talking with on WGT. Um so we had talked with them and set up a first meetup, which I had called a date with them on a Friday night, I think, at one of the local places.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

Yeah, we have great memory. Um I just know we went to a local place and immediately I felt like we had we hit it off. Like great. Like I said before, I'm an energy person. Like I attuned to people immediately, or I'm trying to kind of link up. And I felt really comfortable. Um, conversation was easy and they're fun, fun couple.

SPEAKER_02 2:16

Yeah, absolutely. I think I want to go back just a little bit and talk about really the initial coordination of that.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

Um please do, because there's a lot because it's like, and then we just met like no, we didn't just meet. There's a lot of work, and you know, I'm not gonna do it. There's a lot of work that like, and I give you credit for it, and I want to like every single time.

SPEAKER_02 2:41

I don't think it's necessarily that, but I think it was so I absolutely like I did that, but I did that in coordination with you. Like we talked about it. We said, hey, is this gonna work? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

Yes, every step of the way, check, check, check, checking in. I'm gonna say this, and what do you think about this? And yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

And then I put it on our calendar for a Friday night as a date, and I think that's where things got a little. We had our first conversation around this.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

The word date.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

The word date. And what did you think about that?

SPEAKER_01 3:15

I'm like, um, we are meeting somebody. I don't consider that to be a date, like that's a reserved term. Initially, that's my my first like instinctual like reaction to that, right? And that's just the word, and I know I've mentioned that before, like day uh. But um, it was like, no, we're gonna meet some people, um yeah, make some introductions and do a reboot of the initial is like take two.

SPEAKER_02 3:50

Yeah, and I think that was our first conversation around that is you know, where I think I hit a little bit of a road bump, which was uh the word date and understanding the value that that had and us being new to all of this. So it was a good conversation around that, and I think honestly, like some of that is probably still the same there, and a good term for that would probably have been more like meetup and not date.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Yeah, I meet up seems more aligned with how I would see that. And and I've like if I wanted to dig around that, like, why do I have such a problem with dates? Like, I don't know. Is that just uh um a you and me thing, a one-on-one thing? Um Right.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

And we've continued to talk around that piece, but I think really it highlights you know how awkward this can be, especially when you're when you're new to this. Terms that you've used only together as a couple are now being used in the context of beyond that.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Yeah, you're examining your everyday language and I think almost expanding expanding your understanding of it, questioning it where you never even thought to.

SPEAKER_02 5:09

Right. And you never really thought, I think, of necessarily all of the things behind those words until you started using them in a different context. Like it's not just you and me anymore. So, anyways, we got to uh the place and met the couple, and I think initially there was good good chemistry, what we call that. I think um they were a very down-to-earth couple.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

We connected with them. There was cut chemistry, so I think in that there's chemistry and connection. Like we didn't feel like, and I call it like you know, feeling off, like someone's left out, or you're it was easy, right?

SPEAKER_02 5:54

Conversation came easy. I think that's been the big thing is we've been out on a few meetups. We're certainly still no experts on this, but we've been out on several at this point, and some you can just tell, like the conversation flows easily and naturally with people that you would be friends with in just non-lifestyle situations.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

I agree with that. I would do want to point this out, like um, like I feel like the our the world we live in really reinforces and um reinforces and celebrates extroverts. Uh right. I feel like you neither you nor I are that.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

And so I just wanted to point that out, like putting ourselves out there. Um but even in that, like I I don't seem like I I don't feel like I have an issue talking to anybody one-on-one, whatever that is. Um it's just not as huge group, massive, overwhelming experience. It's very different.

SPEAKER_02 7:09

Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a great uh point, is the introvert, extrovert um mentality and understanding of what those mean. I will say that you know, if you're listening to this and you're an extrovert, some of that will come easier to you. If you are listening to this and you're an introvert, it may be a little bit more of a struggle. But I think it also, at least for us, both of us, identifying as introverts, it has also helped us understand like where we actually have chemistry with people versus not, because that's we've had good conversations with those we've had good chemistry with, and the other ones have been have felt a little bit flat.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

Sure. And I think going with that of like, hey, know yourself, be okay with who you are. It's okay to like stretch yourself and kind of like, hey, it's not my favorite like environment or my favorite way to meet people, but um not and not pushing yourself to do something that you are uncomfortable doing, it is not okay. I don't want to do that, is very I think that's different. Like there's a line there, like know yourself. Um which I think leads us to like how we've approached this past year of we're gonna try different venues, different events to see what fits us.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

Absolutely, and I think that's that has been our year. I will say that this particular couple have become some of our very best friends, and it was because I think we one risked meeting up with a couple for the first time, um, and put ourselves out there, but also finding the right chemistry. And they've been our in reality, like our best friends. Yeah, closest friends. Yeah, but they have been really good, and we love hanging out with them. We spent a lot of time with them, and very fortunate that we that we met them. And I call it like very thankful for the uh we gotta think community for at least providing a space where I felt comfortable hanging out, um, reaching out to a couple that I think was on the same page because that it was always a community, I think, that is more about finding people you actually want to hang out with, as opposed to just hey, let's meet and have sex. So overall, uh it was a good meetup. Uh we had a good night. We had really just a couple of uh drinks with them and just had good conversation. The oddly enough, like the place we met at, we met at like seven at night, I think. And the place we went to closed at nine, maybe. So weird.

SPEAKER_01 10:01

It was weird, but what place closes at nine on a Friday night?

SPEAKER_02 10:04

Apparently, it's more common in our area than I thought, but they close at nine. I think we I think we actually ended up leaving there at 9:30, but you could definitely tell that they were shutting the place down as we were sitting there having conversation. So we had that meetup with them, and I can't remember necessarily what like how we communicated next, but we basically just decided hey, um, we'll go over to your house at some point and uh swim, whatever, just hang out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

Hang out, talk more, hang out, basically build friendship.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

Yeah, we did that several times last year. Just going what was really, I think, good for us was they were very open about hey, we're an open book. If you have questions about the lifestyle, whatever, like ask us. Um, and they were a very safe space for us, I think, for us to just kind of be inquisitive and figure out where we were at and ask questions, but in a very, I don't know, uh fun environment, like the hanging out in the pool all day, which I will tell you like I am a pool slut. Like if you invite me over to your pool, I'm gonna come over. I want to be in the water all day, every day.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

Yeah, he was a little kid. You're always like pulling him out of the swimming pool, right?

SPEAKER_02 11:32

So we'd we've hung out with them several times last summer in their pool. Um, and and really, you know, I think you know, you could feel something building up through that, uh, but at the same time in a very slow-paced, casual, non-pressure way.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

I think like really to speak to the buildup was like really like laying the groundwork for friendship. Because it's really hard to make friends as an adult to be like have honest conversations where you're not feeling like, oh, I'm about to say something dumb, or oh, I just put my foot in my mouth, or I can't talk about this, but to slowly sort of like I think build trust and um also get to know each other and have conversations around like topics where like you never you don't even talk to your spouse about, or maybe that's the only person you talk these things about. Um, just and I really appreciate that, like being able to talk about things and no one shrinking back or giving you a weird look or room is silence, like, oh yeah, we have a fun story too. And it's like, oh, okay, nor like normalizing um our desire for sex, yeah, normalizing and um and also like just having a great time and having fun with people. It's like, whoa, we've missed that.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

I love that, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

We've really missed that. And it was like, wow, we found we found friends we found friends, you know.

SPEAKER_02 13:16

I'll I'll take like the little segue there, right? Like people, I think if you're listening to this, you probably know it. If you don't, great, that's fine. But it is so hard to find friends as an adult, and I still think it's fucking nuts that the only place we've been able to find friends is through the lifestyle.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Yeah, I mean, you can have work, friends, you can have I don't know, but if you have moved around, like literally moved household, live in different towns, you like kind of pick up and replant, and and for us, we've we've done that a few times, and then because of different communities we've lived in, those people have cycled in and out, like it's really kind of nomadic, and it's hard to uh just put that investment into people, and you just kind of close off, or it's just hard.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

There's some of that, and then there's like you you move into a community where people haven't done that, and so they've got the same friends that they've had their whole life, and it's like, how do you break into that and make friends when you're not really part of that inner circle already?

SPEAKER_01 14:32

But I want to say that too of like you've had these friends since kindergarten. Great, you're really talking to them about your sex life? Uh no, maybe um you're talking about the best blowjob you've ever gotten or given. Like baby, I doubt it. I think that's I swear it only happens like on sh TV shows like sex in the city or something, and then it didn't grow to up together, right? It's like yeah, you'll find each other because you have you can relate, you have shared experiences, and but as an adult, like I've we have found that to be difficult.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

Yes, absolutely. Like, which is nuts, right? Like back to I don't know, maybe a year or two years ago where I'm like on Bumble for Friends, just trying to find people that we can hang out with, and that went nowhere.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

So it's so strange trying to find just friends as adults, but then like yeah, yeah, and like pairing with like um getting to know your sexuality to be question it, to expand it um at the same time. Yeah, like whoa.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

Right, all that's better.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

And so these this particular our friends, um, our great friends, like they have been, I was a instrumental in this past year of just us just being able to have conversations and just really being welcoming and um yeah, just having just those conversations.

SPEAKER_02 16:14

Yeah, and I think you know that really just kind of that whole conversation around finding friends is is unique. And then for us, like I think that kind of highlights for us in the lifestyle, at least where we're at right now, we are definitely more of a we want to know we we want to know people, we want to meet people. We're not we're we're not where we're at right now, not like, hey, we just want to have sex with a lot of people. That is not our approach.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

Like we want to make friends, yeah, friends and like and then we'll get to at some point, like knowing our why or like yeah, what you're looking for, and separately we have our own, and then as a couple, we have one, but of like supporting that. Like, what do you do to support like what you're doing for yourself? Yeah, is with your with your sexuality, because our sexuality is part of being a human being. You can't it's not this side quest or this luxury, it is ingrained, it is part of our DNA.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

I love that. I love how you introduced that. Um, that is, I think, a core component, and some of that is why do you feel the way you feel? Why do you want the ones that you have, and are you okay to have that? And recognizing that sex is a huge component of our lives as humans, whether we're getting a lot of that, thinking about it a lot, like there's so much repression around that. And it's not necessarily, hey, this is around the lifestyle, but people enjoy sex, and we need to recognize that.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

Yeah, celebrate it. Absolutely, celebrate it, um, introduce it, or like again, my favorite word, like reclaiming it, like taking it back, getting your power back instead of what have others decided that it should be for you. That's really jacked up.

SPEAKER_02 18:13

Yeah, and I think it also depends on where where you're at, what what age group you're in, because I think the different age groups are different around us for us, our generation, like we will grow So you're saying age groups or generations? I think I would say they're the similar saying kind of tied to like currently lined up, like presently. Like what generation did you grow up in, which will really tie back to the age group that you're in. And for us, I would say like we grew up in, I'll say, like, I grew up in the 80s, 90s, and all of that was one, you didn't talk about sex, but if you did talk about sex, it was about AIDS. And if you have sex, you'll die.

SPEAKER_01 18:59

God, I remember that being pulled out of like English in like I don't know, it was a sophomore, freshman, I don't remember. In and I know exactly what classroom it was, because it was the classroom without any windows, and the school nurse coming to tell us that we basically were all gonna die if we ever had sex.

SPEAKER_00 19:17

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

And it was like, and seeing all these videos, and it was like, okay, you're right, I'm gonna die. And I'm actually afraid to touch anyone, and I'm not even gonna share a soda with anyone because I'm gonna die.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

Right, right. All of those wonderful pictures about, I don't know, General Warts, and you're like, holy shit.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

Yeah, and I remember being in uh undergrad and in my microbiology class, and my friend and roommate at the time, we both were taking the same class, and we of course flipped to the very back, where is all the gross stuff, and it was like coteria, chlamydia, herpes was like, Oh my god, I'm I'm not having I'm doubly not having sex.

SPEAKER_02 20:03

That's right. I'm doubly not having sex.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

Also, saying you're watching a baby give birth in my psychology class. I'm like, yeah, I'm not having sex again. Like sex is the worst thing you could possibly do to yourself.

SPEAKER_02 20:19

Right. You put yourself at tremendous risk, and that's just health-wise.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

It's not even talking about um religion or family experiences, it is like just what we learn, right?

SPEAKER_02 20:33

So generationally, like we at least, and probably you know, definitely uh previous generations is all about repression of sex, yeah, desire conversation. I think I would probably say that you know the 60s, from what we know, like that was the last time people challenged that mindset, yeah. Free love, open love, free love, all of that, right? And you know, in many ways, they got that right, and in many ways, even the 80s and 90s got something right too, and that's hey, be cognizant of what you're doing, be educated around that. Educate yourself, but you know, fear is so powerful, it is absolutely like we talk about that all the time. Fear is how you control the population, and fear and shame. Yeah. So hopefully, as we continue on with these episodes, we'll you know talk a little bit about you know, more about that, about the de-shaming of this. Like, hey, what we like, there's nothing wrong with that. Um being able to, as an adult, again, if you're listening to this and you're eight, you're under 18 years old, you shouldn't be listening to this. But as an adult, like you can make educated decisions, you don't need to listen to what society or others tell you about this. Like, Be curious and explore.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

And I would say this too. Use that curious word. Maybe one moment you just have this like lightning bolt idea of like, why do I do this? Or why don't I do this? Why will I not allow myself this?

SPEAKER_00 22:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:20

And like challenge that, like, where does this come from?

SPEAKER_00 22:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

Is this my choosing? Or is it deeper like a belief?

SPEAKER_02 22:30

Right. Right. And I love that. And we talk about that all the time. Like, when we when we try and talk about, hey, what what kind of fantasies do you have? Well, have you ever in your entire life allowed yourself to fantasize about anything? Or has it been so shut down because of societal influence, parental influence, whatever that is, that you haven't even figured that out for yourself? And just opening up a space for you to be able to think through that and being in a relationship, I think, that allows you that safety and space as well.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

Yeah. If you have that.

SPEAKER_02 23:08

If you have that, yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

Yeah, if you have that. So we talked about like, okay, so we have these friends and having community is important. How do you how do you how do you make them? Where do you find these people? Where do you find people? Um and like I kind of go back to like you have to put yourself out there and what's where what's the out there? Like, how do you define that?

SPEAKER_02 23:37

Um that's tough. Right. Like the only place that and again, back to the lifetime lifestyle perspective on this, like, where do you put yourself out there? Oddly, right? Like you put yourself out there in places like Cassidy and SLS and SDC and trying to find similar people looking for the same things as you.

SPEAKER_01 24:06

Right. Like, if you take that away and you're like, okay, how do I find somebody who you think of something like who's interested in um cars? That is not me. Um, but you're I I want to find people who are interested in cars, I'm interested in cars, then you've you have to do some homework. Find out where do people I like cars, where do people who like cars go? What are the cars? So lifestyle, like okay, I want to meet people who are or anywhere, maybe somebody in lifestyle who are talking about sexuality or who are curious about their sexuality, or whatever. It's like you find events, like venues that are promoting um something that piques your interest that seems aligned with what you're looking for. You but the thing is you have to take action, they're not gonna find you. You have to make that initial, you gotta do some work.

SPEAKER_02 25:18

Right. So, how do you relate that to like our own experience?

SPEAKER_01 25:23

Yeah, so like taking my own our own advice, right? Um, and also weighing who we know we are as far as like our personalities, um, also our location. Um, there's a few different things kind of weighing like what are barriers to that? Um, but I think we both talked about like what do we what are how do we find these people and what are we interested in? And then the the answer was like we don't know. So we were like, let's try everything. Um, so trying kind of maybe not everything, but trying a lot of different things out and figuring out like what fits us, what do we like best, at least in that where we currently are in our journey separately and in together as a couple. Um and so we just kind of have a had several different events lined up, yeah. Types, styles, formats to meet people, to put ourselves out there to kind of go out go out into the wild.

SPEAKER_02 26:38

And find our people. And I'll say, at least for us, like that has been us exploring lifestyle-related things over the past year. That was the thing that we gave ourselves is this year to try different things to find out. We again, I mentioned before, like we tried finding just friends through other means, um, bumble, out in the wild, just whatever. And it is nearly impossible for that. So, as I relate it, at least to the lifestyle, it's finding our people in that who like similar things and who is there for similar interests.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

Yeah. Yeah. So we just made the decision together of like, hey, let's let's try a bunch of different things.

SPEAKER_00 27:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:26

Um, and so just being really open and willing with that willingness to just okay, let's try that. Let's do some um meetups. Um let's do uh let's try a house party or two or whatever. Um hotel takeover. Yeah, what the heck is that? Sure, sounds good. Um traveling local. Yes, let's try it. Um cruise, cruise. Uh, okay. Haven't ever done a cruise ever in my life. Okay, let's try it.

SPEAKER_02 28:01

Much less a cruise where a bunch of people are just naked, like yeah, possibly, right?

SPEAKER_01 28:05

But it turned out not to be so scary. Um, and then uh resort, like, yep, let's let's try it. Um, so having a several things lined up in conjunction with finding our community, finding like-minded people, um, it wasn't like one or the other. It's like this um almost like duality, like all of these things happening at once.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

Yeah, and I think for us, giving ours giving ourselves that space over the past year has been really important of trying to find where we fit in, where we feel comfortable, what we like. Um I still give a lot of credit, at least I do. Um, and you could talk about how you feel about that about um joining the We Gotta Think community. That was huge. We're we're not a part of that community right now. Um, but that was huge for at least me and in that part of our journey and in phase of our journey is normalizing our interest in sex and events around that, and finding a safe community to explore that through. And they gave us that. Like we went to our first travel hotel takeover through that group that was in Seattle, and that was uh a good experience for us overall.

SPEAKER_01 29:27

Like, yeah, it was a hotel takeover, and um, we got to see uh Club Sapphire um in Seattle, and which is a beautiful club. Very cool. So, like kind of like two things right there happening, yeah. And meeting a bunch of different people, different backgrounds. Um, yeah, it was just ex exposure, right?

SPEAKER_02 29:49

And I think you know, just being still being new to that, you're still there's still a lot of at least for me, right? That's who I am. Like, there's a lot of anxiety around that, a lot of like observing all of this shit that's going around you at any given point, and being frankly a little bit overwhelmed by that, but at the same time helping to feel comfortable and normalized in those environments. Like, again, sex, us liking sex is okay. And being around people that are not like you may think, hey, I'm gonna join this thing, and everybody wants to have sex with me. And it may feel like that, but that's not really the case. Like, most of these people that we've ever met are just down-to-earth people. We've said that in one of our earlier episodes about these are your neighbors, these are your aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, cousins, doctors, all of that. And I think starting the more you do that, for me, starting to realize that yes, that is actually the case.

SPEAKER_01 31:00

Yeah, yeah. Um, right. Yeah, everybody's coming with this kind of the same programming of uh if you open yourself to thinking about sex, everyone's gonna want to have sex with you. At least from my point of view, this sort of was taught of like, yeah, if you look at somebody or you make eye contact, they're gonna want to have sex with you.

SPEAKER_00 31:21

Right.

SPEAKER_01 31:21

Like, don't show interest if you're not interested. It's a whole like, what were you wearing? Were you asking for it? Sort of mentality.

SPEAKER_00 31:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:28

Um, and that's like from I don't know, if like a woman's point of view, or at least my point of view of nope, it's not always the case. Um, and I have to remind myself, like I and I remember hearing this on a different podcast. Like, we all think we're eights. It's like oh gosh, we're more like sixes, maybe. Um, someone has to be the other numbers if you're rating yourself. Thank you. It's like even if you are a 10, that doesn't mean that someone isn't a 12. Or it doesn't isn't necessarily interested in you that way, right? Like you can be the most attractive person on the planet, whatever that is, and no it's what else do you bring? Yeah, what else are you bringing? It's yeah, it's yeah, there's more, it's complicated.

SPEAKER_02 32:23

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 32:24

But anyway, finding friends, putting yourself out there, and that's hard. Putting yourself out there, how do you do it? Like for us, we did right, we did a couple local meetups, we did um some online Zoom um meet and greets with um the we've got to think community. Um, so that was really safe. You're behind, you're at home.

SPEAKER_00 32:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

If you don't you don't wanna be there, you just leave the group. Yeah, um, yeah, but and you share what you're wanting, you're willing to share. And people kind of pick up like, oh, you're new. Well, they introduce and they they know everyone's been new at some point. Some people say they're new and they've been doing this for years because it's like, right, you don't have it all figured out. This is called life. Yeah, who has life figured out?

SPEAKER_02 33:18

Yeah, that's exactly right. And I think ultimately that's what I would highlight in this episode is when we talk about friends, um, finding your people in all of this, right? I like my advice around that is be you. Don't lose you as you try and explore, if that's what you're looking to do, is explore this environment, is don't lose sight of who you are. We I think it's good to stretch yourself beyond what you think is capable, where you're comfortable in, obviously. But like you have to ex you have to move beyond that a little bit. Like for us, as we said earlier, like being introverts, we had to move beyond that a little bit, put ourselves out there, put ourselves into environments that we may be a little bit uncomfortable in, but also to get to where we want to be.

SPEAKER_01 34:07

It's sort of like um grabbing each other's hands and like jumping off into the deep and like, okay, okay, the water's gonna be cold. The water's gonna be cold. And if we don't like it, we can get right back out.

SPEAKER_00 34:17

That's exactly right.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

But you and I remember hearing it said this way like you can have the brake on, and then you're trying to put the put the gas pedal. It's like at some point you're gonna have to take your foot off the brake. Yeah, but the brake is still there, that's right. It hasn't gone anywhere, it hasn't disappeared. Um, but I gotta say this too. Like you mentioned, you gotta be you. That's gonna be hard. Like, I don't know me. I don't know what I like, I don't know what I'm interested in. So it's like giving yourself like permission to try all the things.

SPEAKER_00 34:54

Right.

SPEAKER_01 34:54

Like, I don't know if I like um Korean barbecue. Well, you there's only way one way you're gonna know if you try it. Well, I don't know if I'm um I'm gonna like uh this type of food. Well, guess what? You gotta try it. Like you might have an idea, you might think something, but you don't know unless you try it, and not to beat yourself up over it, like it didn't didn't turn out the way you thought, or or you come back to another time, like, oh well, I didn't like it from this restaurant. Yeah, but maybe I'll try it again later. But also, like, yeah, just exploring, being open to saying, like, yeah, I don't know, and that's okay that I don't know right now. I'm growing and kind of coming to a place of humility with that of like, yeah, I don't know. I have grown up in this sexually repressed country that throws out like very confusing messages of like everyone's sexy, but don't you dare have sex. Right. Um I was like, whoa, of course, it's like it's a mind field. It it really in your mind, it's a mindfield of like, I don't know what's right, what's wrong. It's like, I don't know me, I don't know what I like, I don't know me. It's okay. It's like you're getting to know yourself, and you're only gonna know by trying things out, right?

SPEAKER_02 36:13

Somehow you're supposed to like figure this out in your mind without yeah, one, right? Really, anybody to talk to about this shit. Like, that's I think the hardest part of this is societal messages saying, Yes, here, advertising, dress sexy, be sexy. But if something happens to you, it's your fault because you dress sexy because you acted sexy. Guys, it's like, hey, um, you need to go out and have sex with as many women as you can because that's what a guy is supposed to do. And but don't be that guy that has sex with a bunch of women because you're a jerk. Like, we get all of these mixed messages, and trying to navigate what you want and all of that, what's okay in all of that, is extremely difficult. So I think this one is all about, especially us as a couple, is like you said earlier, babe, is like jumping off a cliff into cold water, holding hands. Like we're doing this together, we're doing this safely, um, but taking a little bit of risk and in order to find out what we like.

SPEAKER_01 37:16

And I gotta say, like, it's okay to be afraid. Like you we still do things that we're afraid of, we we still do them. It doesn't keep us from doing something. We just look at, hey, have I thought things through? Have I considered? Can have I really thought things through? Have I talked this stuff? It's like fear can keep us stuck. Right. Looking at like, what do you want for you? Like, if you're like, hey, I love my monogamous relationship with my spouse, like, and I I don't ever want to change that. I love it, like, okay, great.

SPEAKER_02 37:51

Nobody says you have to do anything different. Right. And I think even in these environments where you go, if that's something you're interested in, going to clubs, going to house parties, going to on a cruise, like a bliss cruise, going to somewhere like Hido, which you know, if you're listening to this and haven't heard of it, I'm surprised. Hedonism too, right? But Jamaica, like, yeah, there's sex going on. Yeah, there's people interested in sex there, but nobody, at least as far as we've run into, like nobody's gonna pressure you into doing anything. So it's a very safe, I look at it as a space for you to figure out what it is that you actually want to do. Very non-judgmental space um for you to just explore that without the pressure of saying you have to do something that you don't want to do. Yeah. Yeah.

unknown 38:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

All right. So, really, that wraps up things for tonight. I would just say, um, in all of this, what we really want to highlight is there are opportunities to be who you want to be in this lifestyle. Make friends with those that you want to make friends with in this lifestyle, those you relate to, but doing so in a way that doesn't put you into situations you don't want to be in or become somebody that you don't want to be.

SPEAKER_01 39:16

Yeah. And I gotta say, like life is so much like work, we're made for connection, we're made for community. Um, and if that's not what you're looking for, that's okay. Like it's to find out what your like what you're wanting to explore, what you want for you.

SPEAKER_02 39:35

Absolutely. And I would that's the only thing I think I would add at the end of this is challenge yourself. Challenge yourself to go to places and do things that may interest you. Not do it just to do it, but if it's something that you may find yourself interested in or thinking about, just do it. Like there is not a there's no risk in doing that. Do it together if you're a couple, do it with communication. Know that there's you know, maintain those communication lines with each other, but just go out and do a thing and then figure out if that's actually something you liked or didn't like. And then if you didn't like it, just walk away and that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 40:14

Yeah, great opportunities for conversation with I mean, with your partner, um, or just reflecting yourself of like, oh, did I just did I just grow?

SPEAKER_02 40:25

Absolutely. And I just what did I learn? Right. And you may just find that you you I think will be shocked at who you meet in this um space, because there's a lot of people that are just like you, and it's a lot less scary than you think it is, but at the same time, again, you don't lose your ability to choose um your ability to be who you want to be and do what you want to do. All said. All right, thank you everybody. Thanks for joining us. If you're here, uh this wraps up episode number three for us. We hope you're here and we hope you continue to listen to us. This is Neil and Trinity, and we're signing out. Thanks.

SPEAKER_01 41:03

Peace out.