SPEAKER_02 0:07

This is unplugged and turned on. Where we drop the masks, challenge the rules, and explore what connection, desire, and relationships really look like beneath the surface. This is an adult podcast and is not intended for anyone under the age of 18. So if you're under 18, go find something else to listen to.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

I'm Neil. And I'm Trinity. And together we're getting into the real stuff: attraction, intimacy, communication, and the moments that actually create chemistry.

SPEAKER_02 0:43

No scripts, no pretending. Just honest conversations about what turns us on. Mentally, emotionally, and physically.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

So go ahead. Unplug a little. And let's turn something on.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Well, hello, my name is Neo. And I'm Trinity. And this is episode one. How are you feeling tonight?

SPEAKER_02 1:13

Nervous. I just want to apologize to anyone that's listening to this.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

That's right. That's why we got our uh wine in hand.

SPEAKER_02 1:21

Yeah. Gotta less loosen the nerves and let the good times roll.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

All right. So this podcast really is going to be all about um sexuality, relationships, communication. Most of it's gonna be about lifestyle and nobody likes the word, but swinging, um, and just kind of our experiences, thoughts, and then um just kind of what we experience in our experience.

SPEAKER_02 1:56

Well, and I think also like to come around and like support that is like sex positivity. Because we grew up in a non-sex positive, very sex negative, sex shame. Um, I think both of us backgrounds. Probably, I don't know if it's our generation or where we are in the region of the country or just who we are as where what country we're living in.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

But come on, Gen Xers, stand out. You know what we're saying. Yeah, okay. Um, but overall, the podcast is just gonna be about all things uh sex and relationships. Um can certainly uh some of these episodes will absolutely be for the non-monogamous, but they will also be for monogamous as well. Um, really just about sex positivity and leaning into uh what I think we're all taught as taboo and um yeah, taboo for us to even talk about, much less experience.

SPEAKER_02 3:01

Yeah, and I hope that we're able to share like our journeys, like separate separate people, and then as a couple too, of like we're not perfect, we don't have it all figured out. Um like, yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

So tonight really will be all about our origin story. That seems to be where we where most of these podcasts start, anyways. And I think that's good just to kind of give a little background on us and how we got to where we're at today. Um and I would say it probably started Well, let's talk about like who are we? Who are we? You mean like me or like us?

SPEAKER_02 3:47

Yeah, like you. I think let's start with us. Like, who are we as a couple? Like, why does anyone give a crap? Like, I don't think anybody, how do we make ourselves relatable? Because I think we are sort of I see ourselves as like just right there, average Jane, average Joe, unsuspecting. Next door neighbor type.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, so we have been married for 20 more than 20 years, almost creeping up on 30. Hold on. I gotta do the math every time. So 27 years. This will be 28 years this year. Uh we have known each other almost 28 years, that'll come up. Um we got married six months after we met. Um, had kids. Yeah. Had our first kid about uh two years, three, two and a half years later. Um our second kid a couple years after that. Um so we spent our time uh working, raising kids, a little bit living abroad with them, but the normal life of having kids, raising kids, and working.

SPEAKER_02 5:14

Yeah, we basically married young and our kids are out of the house, and we're still young enough to have fun and like this new chapter of our lives.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

Absolutely. I think when our youngest moved out of the house, that was when we really started thinking about okay, so who are we again? Right?

SPEAKER_02 5:36

Yeah. All right, so that's just basic, basic background. It brings us to how we're even interested, how we even like get to sex positivity, why are we interested in that? How do we get to just being in the part of the lifestyle, whatever that means, and we'll get to that at some point, but like our I like to look at it as a reawakening?

SPEAKER_00 6:06

Yeah, absolutely, a reawakening.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

We like hibernate, children are born, you shift gears, and I know for me, I like hibernating, just being a good parent and what I think a good parent is. Yeah, going into business mode, yeah, business mode, but uh like that comes to like an end, and so I'm gonna pass it to you. Like, how did we get from our last child left the building to the lifestyle?

SPEAKER_00 6:44

That's tough. Um I think we moved actually. I think that was one of the drivers for me. We we moved and we had the opportunity to take our honeymoon that we never took when we got married. Um, we got married obviously young, like we said, um, had no money for a honeymoon, uh, and always talked about us doing that. So I think when our youngest left, we've probably been married for 23-ish years, something like that. And we decided uh we were gonna move closer to um one of the nearby cities. Um, and when we did that during the sale of the house, we had extra money. Um, we had money from that, we had a profit. So we took that and decided that we were going to take our honeymoon trip. And I think that a once-in-a-lifetime trip. Yeah, that really started us out. Um so I think as we got closer to that trip, I don't even know if it was just closer to the trip, but we had started just exploring, I think, trying to get back into like feeling and being sexy for each other. Um go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

I have a thought.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

Like I remember you remember things differently, so it's okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:03

I remember similar, very, very on track. But something that really was important from my my perspective was you had bought me some sex toys.

SPEAKER_00 8:15

I was trying to get into that, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:16

Yeah, absolutely. And I think you did a really great job of introducing them to me. And I forget exactly there was a bunch kind of, I think we were listening to podcasts that were like sex with Emily, shameless, sex, just like more normalizing, kind of getting used to like saying certain words and just thinking about being sexy, just saying the word sex, like um, but you had got a couple like vibrators for me, and I and I remember thinking like, what? Because though I remember the first vibrator that I had was like 20 some years ago when we had just gotten married again. And this was like a torture device, it was not friendly. Yeah, and so like, hey, there's this sex toys. And so I'm thinking, yeah, you know what? I've been there and done that.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

That was well before the internet, and I could research to no end. But that was probably me too, but yeah, opened my mind.

SPEAKER_02 9:25

I was open to it and was like, okay, let me try these out. So that's kind of how I remember, and that was going into our like life-changing trip. And I say it's life-changing because it affected a lot of areas in the life.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

It was. I think, you know, I think I bought three toys. Um, and I wasn't quite sure how to bring that up to you, but I I did, and I I brought it up, I think, in a way that was no pressure. Like, hey, I got these things, um, did a little, did my research on them. They seem to be good starters. Um, and you can try them if you if you want to, you don't have to. Uh, if you like them, you keep them. If you don't like any of them, you just throw them away. Like really low pressure, just trying to make it comfortable um to be able to explore that.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

Yeah, you've always done a good job with that of like no pressure, like, hey, take it or leave it. Um, and I know you do your research, and it's always the best of the best of the best.

SPEAKER_00 10:25

Um I couldn't do that back when I bought that really hard plastic thing when we were young.

SPEAKER_02 10:31

I can draw a picture and tell you the color and it was pearl.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

It was pearl-colored, wasn't it? It was. It wasn't that hard little plastic, cheap plastic thing from a nasty adult store in town.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

Phone-shaped. It was like, what the we had no idea. We didn't know.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Anyway, so we got those toys.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

And we took them on the trip.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

We took them on the trip.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

And my mind was blown off.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

And mine was too. I loved every minute of it. Oh my gosh. I remember, yeah, so we had gotten an Airbnb in a tropical location. Um, so it opened up and you could jump right into the um ocean lagoon area, whatever. Yeah, it was beautiful. So we it was such a great place to have sex because you could leave the doors open, a little bit of a breeze, um, watch and listen to the ocean and just have sex.

SPEAKER_02 11:30

You know what just occurred to me? Oh, go ahead. Yeah. This is something that I've learned about myself. I'm thinking this is back to that, yes. Yeah, is that um I'm and I was uh it's not a surprise. Like I love nature and I I love it's important for me to be connected with nature, but there was this like sexual nature aspect. It's like this ego sexual thing happening that is like that's me. And so that I think those were like the just the right conditions and timing.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

Absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

For me personally, yeah. And also for us, like I think you were having a great time.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

I absolutely was. I think it was the first time I feel like, and I think I think we did a little bit of pre-trip play, but not too much um with the toys. But it was the first time I just remember this vividly. Like we had had some amazing sex, we'd used the toys during that, and then I think I went and took a shower just to get cleaned off. And when I came out, you were using the toy by yourself, and I was so excited and turned on by that because it let me know that you were comfortable doing that now and comfortable doing it where I could see it, um, where I wasn't necessarily right there.

SPEAKER_02 12:54

Yeah. And I think that was kind of it dawned on me, like, oh my gosh, I don't have a limit to a number of orgasms. I mean, besides like my energy, and I need to be fed and I need to sleep. Um, I feel like I just could keep going and going. And I and I realized like when you had like walked away, I was like, oh, I'm not dying.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

I'm not dying now. I loved that. I think that changed a lot of our sex life, actually, because I think also, you know, even listening to podcasts, and then you know, we'll talk a little bit about it. But you know, we're we're doing some other kind of um sex positive, sex coaching type courses. But learning that as humans, really, as as individuals, we're really responsible for our own orgasms.

SPEAKER_02 13:49

Um, and I think I think our own pleasure, our own pleasure, absolutely what it is, whether it's sexual, whether it's like, oh, I like this food, or I want to sit outside, it feels good.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

Absolutely. I think um, and I'm sorry to our audience, I will say absolutely a lot. Uh that's just who I am.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

So And I don't know what I'm gonna say a lot, but you'll figure that out too.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

So absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

I'll say, um Yeah. So I'm owning it.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Um, I think yeah, I think it was just learning that you know, you each one of us is responsible for our own pleasure, our own wants, our own, you know, fulfilling those things is I think in our lives. And one one of the things as a guy that did for me was take a lot of pressure off. Like I think as guys, we're like, hey, I can't sex was no good unless I gave you an orgasm. I can't orgasm tell you orgasm. I think it puts a lot of pressure on guys and it puts a lot of pressure on girls because you know, we're just sitting there working hard trying to figure out when you're actually having an orgasm, and you may or not have may or may not have one, but it also never meant that you didn't enjoy the sex that we were having.

SPEAKER_02 14:58

Yeah, and what comes up for me right as you just say that is like we're all conditioned to be people pleasers. Yes, that's crappy. Yeah, when you're people pleasing, you know one's no one's pleased. Like no one's happy.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Right.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

Or it's it's a rare thing. I don't want to say no one, but it's like good luck.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Yeah. So that trip taught us a lot. I think the toys we integrated into our sex life more uh we graduated from those earlier toys, though we still have uh one of them, fond memories still here. It's like an OG. It is the OG. It gets pulled out once in a while. Like, oh, and then I'm like, oh yeah, but but but as I do, I I found more uh more better uh models that that did what we like.

SPEAKER_02 15:52

And I think for for me and for us, also language was really important. Yeah. Like one like first anatomy, anatomy lesson like 101. Like knowing my body didn't didn't, I just all called it vagina. That's incorrect. Like the female body wasn't like really mapped out until more recent, more recently, and I think they're still finding things out, but like I just called everything a vagina. Yep, it is not. I called it a pussy, by the way, but yes, I didn't, but and I'm like, as far as language is concerned, too, to come back to that is like, yeah, to be okay with some words to and I like the I learned this, it's like reclaiming them.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

Yeah, I get to decide what that word means. You do, and if it's vulgar or not, or you want to use it or not, or yeah, and I what's vulgar, right?

SPEAKER_02 16:49

Like, and we'll I think that's something that we're gonna talk a lot about um over episodes is language, words, what they mean to you, doesn't necessarily mean what they mean for everyone and the populations like what it m means to you is most important. So I think me being brave, courage, courageous, allowing yourself to be allowing myself to say words that we're always like, oh, that's a dirty word, or that's gross, or embarrassed. I think there's a lot of embarrassment of like, yeah, like there's a thing down there, Ronald. Uh my heart shape box. Yeah, my heart shape box is what I called it.

SPEAKER_00 17:34

Yes, you did. I loved that, by the way.

SPEAKER_02 17:36

Yeah, like way back, way back in the day. It's like my heart shape, like I could not say pussy, but Ooh, it's sexy when you say it's still today. Um, but I think that's also like that trip was really like with language too. Um tools for enhancement, um, not replacement, enhancement, language, us being connected.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:03

I feel that was supremely important.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

It absolutely was, yes.

SPEAKER_02 18:08

Who are we now?

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Right. And I think some of that we we I liken a lot of that trip to the same kind of sex and excitement around sex when we first met and when we were young, and realizing that we were still the same people. Uh we spent a lot of time raising kids and working, um, but we were still the same people when we met the young kids, and we still enjoyed sex and we still enjoyed each other. And you know, that trip we had sex multiple times a day, every day. Um, and it really just I think I would say it awoken more of that in us and realizing who we are and what we wanted.

SPEAKER_02 18:51

Yeah, it was definitely uh a reawakening.

SPEAKER_00 18:59

Okay, so I want to really just come back really quick to the word lifestyle because I think it means a lot of things to a lot of people. So uh I will define what I think it means, and then obviously you can as well. Um, but at least that gives our listeners, if there are any, um, just kind of a frame of reference for what we're talking about. So lifestyle to me is is really, I look at that as a very open and general term of a sex positive community. It could be um ethical non-monogamy, consensual non-monogamy, it could be kink, it could be um just I would call it being comfortable in this sexuality, talking sex, all that kind of stuff, but really being more open and free and experiencing that possibly with but around others as well. What do you think?

SPEAKER_02 19:55

Um, yeah, like gosh, it's such a complicated, it's a huge umbrella. It's an umbrella term. Um so much can fall into that. And I think, like, yeah, like some BDSM can, and I almost think that BDSM in kink communities sort of like on the outskirts. I don't know if they would I don't know if they want to be considered part of the lifestyle.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 20:23

Um, but I think like coming boiling it down to lifestyle, how do you how are you living? Um outwardly or privately, um, either way.

unknown 20:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:35

But like absolutely polyamory.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

Yep, absolutely. I that's what I can say. Absolutely polyamory. Uh multi-union.

SPEAKER_02 20:43

Your relationship, because that may be polyamorous, polyamory, that may be something else. I may just be like, oh, I have a boyfriend, or um even like it's so many combinations. I think that's what I love about the word is it is an umbrella term.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

Right. And I don't think it is synonymous, like the same as being a swinger. I think you can be in the lifestyle and be an exhibitionist. You like people to watch, you like people to watch you. Um, you could be a voyeur where you just like to watch other people, and you'll never, you or you and your partner, partners would would never play with anybody else. So you wouldn't necessarily be a swinger, but that I would consider a lifestyle. Question for you then. Oh, here we go.

SPEAKER_02 21:27

So, and I'm I'm thinking just from from my point of view, like, okay, what if you are what they call lifestyle adjacent? We're not sure what that is. As far as like, hey, I just like to be around sexy environments. I like to dress sexy, I like to dance around. I like uh like I want to be in these sexually erotically charged environments.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

I don't know. Like, I think it's it I I I look at that more like, and I know we've Of used the term before too, but I almost look at that more like your swinger, adjacent, like you're not gonna play with other people. Okay, but I still consider that like you're me personally, and I know everyone's got their own definitions, and that's cool. But I think lifestyle means hey, you're out in these environments, you are out, you know, having sex in places, watching people have sex, going to places where these things are happening, whether that's clubs or resorts or whatever, and you and or cruises and all this stuff, but you're not necessarily playing with others. That's but I also like we've had these conversations before, like, no matter what, it's good to define or share what you think the definition of something is, because as you get around other people, the definitions aren't always the same.

SPEAKER_02 22:51

Oh, absolutely. And I think it's important not to kind of attach yourself to the word, the meaning. It's like it's have conversation like and give more information, like this is who I am, or this is where we as a couple are right now, instead of saying, Oh, yeah, we're blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah, it's like whoa, don't I think there's it's like exercise caution around the term you're using. Initially, you can throw it out, people can, yeah, okay, I get it. Um, but to narrow it down, like, but right this is this is it.

SPEAKER_01 23:29

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:30

So you mentioned like swinger adjacent. Is that different from lifestyle adjacent?

SPEAKER_00 23:35

I that I still think, like, in my opinion, I don't really know what lifestyle adjacent would be. I know what I originally thought it was, but I still think if you're going into these sexy environments, dressing sexy, being revealing, surrounding yourself with people that are sex positive, I would consider that you're part of the lifestyle. So being lifestyle adjacent, I'm not sure what that is, other than, hey, I heard of this place called Hido Desire. I'm just gonna go there and see what that is. Like first time, maybe, but I still think swinger Jason's good, but I don't know. Could be the wine tonight, too. Like I could change my definition tomorrow. And I reserve that record.

SPEAKER_02 24:18

And also, like, does it matter who gives a crap?

SPEAKER_00 24:22

I think it it only matters, I think, when you're just giving a frame of reference when you're having conversations with people. Are you in the lifestyle? What does that mean to you?

SPEAKER_02 24:32

Are you in the lifestyle? What's that look like? Yeah, I know there's like a lot of discussion on that.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

Yep. Okay, so that's lifestyle. Okay, so like we discussed a reawakening, uh honeymoon, 20 some odd years after we'd got married. Um, and then I think we just kind of like how did we get from there to here? Um I can't wait to hear what you say. Oh, really? I was waiting for it to hear what you say. I think really January 1st, 2025. It was in March. I still have some texts. In a forest. But I think I would say we got from there to where we are now, because when we got back, we still were having a lot of great sex. I think we were still getting used to talking to each other about that. Oh, yeah. And we were listening still to a lot of sex positive podcasts. Yeah. Right? We we sure were, yeah. Okay. So I think next, beyond that, I was I'm always looking for new podcasts, new stuff. And I came across one called a lot of people recognize this one, We Got a Thing. I started listening to the earlier episodes of that, and was like, hey, these people sound normal. Down to earth. Down to earth.

SPEAKER_02 26:04

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:05

So I was sitting on the back porch on a Sunday afternoon with my beautiful wife, Trinity, and we were having a little bit to drink and just talking. And I said, Hey, I had this podcast. I think you might be interested in it. Um, these people sound a lot like us. And I sent her just a text with the podcast on it. Just uh you listen to this when you get a chance, and then after that, it kind of went out of sight, out of mind. And then I was at work one day and I got this text. And now I'm gonna turn over to you. It's like dun, dun, dun, done. Dun dun dun. This is a swinger podcast.

SPEAKER_02 26:47

So this is where we send each other like, oh, this is interesting, and oh, yeah, what do you think about this? Like all the time. So it's sort of like, yeah, I'll get to it when I get to it. Um, and I had time, and I was like, I forget, I think maybe on my way to work. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

Yes, there's only way to work.

SPEAKER_02 27:10

I'm like, oh, I'm a commuter, so let me listen to this podcast. And immediately I was like, what? What? What is this bullshit? Stop. Text my dear loving, just lovely Neo, like, hey, do you you do realize this is like swinger podcast? Like this is these are swingers.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

And I saw that text and my heart stopped.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

And then I was in a rage for that rest of my drive. And I felt like block it out.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

And I felt like I was, I'm in danger.

SPEAKER_02 28:00

You were in danger. Okay. Um, I had like I was able to like put it in a box, set it on a shelf, um, do work, do work, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, um, come home, and I'm like, I'm not listening to the podcast on the way home. I don't know what I was listening, probably nothing. Probably nothing. Um, just silence in my car. Get home, throw the sneakers on, and I'm like, we are walking. We are need to process this.

SPEAKER_00 28:34

We as in you alone.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

We need all the versions of me, all my versions, all the pieces, all those. Um, and just like, oh, I went on a very extensive walk, like miles. Um, listening to the podcast that you sent me. Like I didn't give enough. It was like, hey, listen, be open, just hear this stuff. Because I know my first go-to is no wrong, uh, reject.

SPEAKER_01 29:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:12

Um, and it was I found it interesting, I found it terrifying. There was a lot of curiosity there, but I felt like my blood wasn't boiling when I got home. And I think when you got home, like we were able to have a conversation around it. Like I felt like I had more information and I needed the information, and I was in a place where I could receive it.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

Yeah, it was still like it was scary, right?

SPEAKER_02 29:41

I I obviously know you should have been scared.

SPEAKER_00 29:44

I was scared. Yes. I was terrified. And I think even when I got home, it wasn't necessarily comfortable, and I don't think you'd worked it totally out. And why would you? Like your husband sent you this podcast, you realized it was a swinger podcast.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

No, like intention, like what's the what's your motivation? What are you thinking? I understand this piece.

SPEAKER_00 30:05

Right. I think that was it, right? What it so what does this mean? Like, I think that was that was the question. And I will say, you know, don't tell your wife, don't tell your wife things when they've been drinking tequila and having a good time. I still think part of me told her that it, you know, told Trinity, beautiful Trinity, here that this was a swinger podcast. But you know, we were on the back porch.

SPEAKER_02 30:32

I'm not, I am not like having a spot.

SPEAKER_00 30:37

So I came home that night. I still think, you know, it was it's I will say this was a year ago. January, March, February time frame. So it's been a year and a bit since we had that initial conversation. Um, but that day, that night was uncomfortable. Um, I certainly didn't want to cause any negative feelings. I just found that interesting. Is this the people on it, Mr. and Mrs. Jones, sounded like normal people? And I was like, holy shit, like, is that something we would do? Um, and I think we we talked about that night, and then it kind of died out. And then a few days later, um, Trinity texted me at work and she's like, hey, I've been listening to this podcast. And I was like, holy shit, like it's not off the table then. Like, this is just a conversation we can continue to have. So I think that alleviated a lot of pressure. And obviously, as a guy who enjoys sex, it was a little bit exciting just to hear her say that because I also look at um my wife, Trinity, as a very hot sexual person, though I don't necessarily think at the time she thought of herself that way. So I think for me, it was a great conversation that opened back up.

SPEAKER_02 32:01

Yeah, I it definitely led to a lot of conversations, discussions of like, what is this? Um, and I think hu a huge, like voracious consumption of more information. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 32:18

More and more and more podcasts.

SPEAKER_02 32:21

What is this?

SPEAKER_00 32:22

Right. So I would you know give a shout out to some of the other podcasts, swinger diaries.

SPEAKER_02 32:30

If you're if you have a podcast, please listen to you. Swinger.

SPEAKER_00 32:33

And we we love you, Ed and Phoebe, Swinger University. Yeah, like we've listened to a ton of podcasts. Moddy Jim.

SPEAKER_02 32:44

Pen and Page.

SPEAKER_00 32:45

Right, pen and page, swinger diaries.

SPEAKER_02 32:47

I love them.

SPEAKER_00 32:48

Keep hoping they're gonna fly out here someday so we can say hello. Um, but yeah, that's how we got started in this. I think we'll probably wrap it up here. Um, we in the episodes ahead, we'll talk a little bit more about our first steps into this journey. I will just say it's been a crazy year for us. I think when we decided to do this, we gave ourselves a year to try a bunch of different things to see what we like. So we'll talk about those in the podcast ahead. We've done house parties, hotel takeovers, cruises, about to go on to our first trip to Desire, Revere, and Maya. We're going to Naughty, New Orleans in July. So a little bit more than a year, but we're we're seeing what fits for us, what we like. And we hope to share that with some of you as we continue to move through this journey. All right, thank you.