Unplugged and Turned On
Unplugged and Turned On is a podcast about what really happens when you step outside the scripts and explore connection, attraction, and relationships in a more open, honest way. Hosted by a real couple navigating the lifestyle together, we dive into the moments you don’t always hear about - the chemistry, the curiosity, the awkwardness, and everything in between.
Beyond the lifestyle, we explore communication, emotional awareness, and practical tools to help you connect more deeply in every part of your relationships.
Real conversations. Real experiences. Just a little electric.
Unplugged and Turned On
A Gatsby Party and Discussing Intentions
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Ringing in the New Year usually means a countdown, a drink, and calling it a night. Ours looked a lot different this year: a Gatsby themed lifestyle house party, a maze of play spaces, and a moment on a couch at midnight that taught us more about confidence than we expected. We talk through the real logistics that happen before the sexy part, why this particular group felt unusually friendly, and how the environment can make “being seen” feel normal instead of scary.
We also get honest about consent culture. We’re fully on board with clear rules, respect, and personal responsibility, but we debate what happens when the consent spiel goes on so long that the room drifts away. That leads into one of the biggest takeaways of the night: when consent and expectations are clear, even a very public moment can feel grounded, not performative. We share what it was like to have people glance, move along, and let us exist in the background rather than making it weird.
From there, we zoom out into a midyear check-in on our lifestyle goals. We unpack the tension between serious mode and playful mode, how reassurance can be the difference between pressure and encouragement, and why small measurable intentions like “don’t sit down” and “talk to three people” can change your whole experience. If you’re navigating the swinger lifestyle, consensual nonmonogamy, or just trying to communicate better about desire, this one is packed with real-world lessons. Subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review, what’s one intention you’re setting for your next event?
Email us at podcast@unpluggedandturnedon.com - we'd love to hear from you!
Masks Off And House Rules
SPEAKER_02This is Unplugged and Turned On, where we drop the masks, challenge the rules, and explore what connection, desire, and relationships really look like beneath the surface. This is an adult podcast and is not intended for anyone under the age of 18. So if you're under 18, go find something else to listen to. I'm Neil.
SPEAKER_00And I'm Trinity. And together we're getting into the real stuff: attraction, intimacy, communication, and the moments that actually create chemistry.
SPEAKER_02No scripts, no pretending. Just honest conversations about what turns us on. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. So go ahead.
SPEAKER_00Unplug a little. And let's turn something on. Well, hello everybody, and welcome back. I'm Neo. And I'm Trinity. Hey girl, how are you doing tonight?
SPEAKER_02I'm I feel pretty. Oh. Thanks for showing me your um family jewels there. That was really nice. Um better now. I'm doing good.
SPEAKER_00So tonight we're doing something a little bit different. I'm sitting here in my sarong.
SPEAKER_02I always want to call it a toga. It is not a toga.
SPEAKER_00In my sarong, and Trinity's sitting there, this nice little crop top, barely covering her beautiful boobies. And a nice, beautiful pair of sexy thong underwear. So this is getting warm in here already. I had to turn the fan on. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. But also, you know, uh, we're wanting to be a little freer on the weekends.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's right. More mixed.
Weekend Energy And Cocktail Rituals
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And what are we drinking tonight?
SPEAKER_02Okay. I don't know what it's called.
SPEAKER_00Something you saw on Instagram because you didn't know what it is.
SPEAKER_02Something that's on Instagram, and Instagram just knows me so well. Of course. Um it's a simply limeade. And you pour some out of the jug, and then you add in some coconut cream, which is like in a squeezy bottle you find in the what is it, the boozy section. Boozy section. Um and oh, and then you pour some vodka in there. Tito's. It is not no exact I can't tell you.
SPEAKER_00You don't do measurements here, people.
SPEAKER_02It's just like a little of this, a little of that. Shake it up. How is it?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so it's pretty good.
SPEAKER_02So we're trying it. Yeah, it's good. It seems light, refreshing. Yeah. And it's probably more like, you know, a hard lemonade, but it's a hard limeade.
SPEAKER_00Right. It's not kicking in your teeth or anything else. Isn't it? You're not bringing it up.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's probably not killing my liver like something else.
SPEAKER_00It's killing me softly.
SPEAKER_02Killing me softly.
Why We’re Rewinding New Year’s
SPEAKER_00All right. So we're at episode eight. And I think in this one, we're gonna talk a little bit about our a New Year's event that we attended in our area.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and we're recording this as like what, June, basically June. Yeah, that's when we're gonna release it. Well, uh yeah. And uh so it's like this is six months a after the fact. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So we're trying to kind of catch up a little bit in our timeline and also talk a little bit about you know, setting goals and that kind of thing.
SPEAKER_02Um and I think it's a good time, it's like midway through the year to like check in, evaluate how you know what's our progress like. Yeah. Are we setting out are we doing what we set out to do?
SPEAKER_00And yeah, because I think um as we were kind of talking just a little bit ahead of time, you know, I think for me, I'm not good with time. I'm like, we haven't done too much this year, and then Trinity starts recounting some things, and I'm like, oh, we were a lot sluttier than I thought we were this year.
SPEAKER_02I'm like, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Um, so yeah, we attended a New Year's party with a new group, and that's one of the things that we've also been doing is just checking out different groups and seeing uh, you know, where are our people, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. So this one was called the Illuminati. Um like Naughty, like Naughty Illuminati. Illuminati, N-A-U-G-H-T-Y, like Naughty in New Orleans.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So it's a group called Illuminati. Um they have uh they are selective and who they allow in.
SPEAKER_02We have a strict age uh range cutoff, like yeah, with a little exception.
SPEAKER_00I was at the upper edge, maybe just over the age limit, but sent in our pictures and why we wanted to be part of it, and we got in. Uh pretty I was pretty stoked about that. I mean, you know, a little boost to my ego. I got into the younger kids group. And I think um, I forget when we joined, I think it was probably like November-ish. And I'm like, we better go to one of their events soon before they kick us out because of our age. Time is a ticket. That's right. So we decided we were gonna hit up their New Year's event, and this one was burlesque.
SPEAKER_02No, no, roaring 20s kind of flapper, oh something like that.
SPEAKER_00There you go. Flappers, flapper dresses and that kind of stuff, which was really cool because everyone looked so good.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you know, all the guys were like looking really nice. The ladies are always looking great. Well, usually looking great.
SPEAKER_00Most of them, yeah. Yeah. Um, so like we do, we had to plan this whole weekend out because for
Joining A Selective New Group
SPEAKER_00us, we got to get non-sexy stuff taken care of, like uh taking care of our pets and making sure that they are going to the kennels and somebody's watching them and all that good stuff, and then getting a hotel because we gotta travel. All the stuff that goes into this, and you know, for us adds a little bit of complication, and I gotta do some planning, which adds a little bit of stress, maybe, but I tell you, it's all worth it in the end.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it was fun.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, this event, it was a house party, uh, a large, large house party. Um, and had music, but no like formal time set for dancing. Like there's no dance area, um, which was like, I mean, that's a big draw for me. Us, yeah. We like dancing. For us, for us. Um, but we did meet a few people, chatted. Uh it seemed like a lot of people are really open and friendly.
SPEAKER_00It's a very friendly group.
SPEAKER_02More so than I've seen.
SPEAKER_00At other things we've been to. Yes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_00And I don't know if that was the age thing or what. I still think like the younger the generations are, the more free they are about talking about sexual things and just talking to people in general. When we're all not staring at our phones, of course. And I think these events help with that because it's not like you can just have your phone out all the time. So even for me, it gets me off the phone as well because I can't have my phone out. Yeah. But it was it was a good event. Um, we did meet a lot of people. It was at the it was at a really nice house. They had a huge, huge, huge backyard backed up to a golf course. And I thought it was kind of funny because you know, it's like you could be naked outside. They had some playbeds outside. Um, it was dark, so there's that, but the fence to the golf course was just wrought iron, right? So if somebody was had been walking along the golf course or whatever, like you could see a party going on. Yeah. But you know, again, it was dark outside. Probably nobody could have seen anything, nobody could have cared less. But um, I just thought that was funny and interesting. But the house was cool. Like, you remember the setup?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it was it was it was real, it was a big house, and there were many play areas. Yeah, like an area was just like a bar and a pool table and right.
SPEAKER_00But then they had the airstream outside. Do you remember that?
SPEAKER_02The airstream, yes. Yeah, they had the airstream outside.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and they had this buddy. I think they had this one room kind of like off in the garage, too, that I think we just kind of stumbled into, but it's like if you knew it was there, if you'd been to these people's house before, you do.
SPEAKER_02It was yeah, it was like a secret room. Yeah, we were just like, let's walk around and check stuff out.
SPEAKER_00And yeah, I think by the time we got there, it was
House Party Layout And First Impressions
SPEAKER_00like clothes changing time. I think one of the things about that event that was interesting too was just the long, long talk about consent.
SPEAKER_02Like, um beating a dead horse. Like, we have heard the consent uh spiel rules about the the property, or hey, be courteous. We've heard that, but this just kept going on and on and on, and people started like drifting away and then coming back, leave me coming back. I'm like, people are now wearing different clothes, right? They're all changing during this talk.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I think it's good, right, to have a quick conversation about that. I think everybody kind of you sign stuff about consent when you join the club. You were reminded about it when you signed up for an event. But this one was probably the longest conversation, and I get it. They've got liability stuff and all of that that they gotta cover. But you know, it was long.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and some just sort of like um talking about testing and not like be personal responsibility sort of things. Like this is not the um place to have this conversation. This should have been done before, before a couple weeks before even like getting here, right? Send some stuff out, right?
SPEAKER_00So we changed at some point. I that was when we changed in like the laundry room, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I don't know. There was a bathroom I changed in, I thought.
SPEAKER_00That's right. I get these things mixed up. Yeah, there was the bathroom that was right by the front door, and that's where we changed. Um, we got into something skimpy, I f like you did. I forget what I like. I took my jacket off, maybe my shirt. I just had my best.
SPEAKER_02Like this this theme, there's multi-layer. Yeah, there's a lot of clothing.
SPEAKER_00I had a when I got there, I had like a um sports coat on, I had a vest on, a shirt on, like dress pants on, like everything.
SPEAKER_02Yes, like formal attire. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I mean,
The Long Consent Talk Debate
SPEAKER_00it was cool, but then you had to take it all off. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00Um, yeah, so we got changed, and I think what I remember like most about that. Did we so during the event? Uh I'm trying to remember the series of events, and you know I don't do well with that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But we played in the main room, and then we played a little bit in the playroom, but I forget which came first, chicken or the egg?
SPEAKER_02Uh, playroom, and then it was just super crowded and kind of like like, eh, and also like it wasn't like, I don't know, the vibe was just like uh like whatever. It was okay. It was okay. We did a little, then we went out into like, I don't know, the living room. Yeah. Um, there's some hot stuff happening, some shows happening next to us. Oh, we were just seated on the couch.
SPEAKER_00It was like the little the tiny girl, and then another a couple were playing on the couch next to us. She was really short. She was very friendly. Like we talked with her outside.
SPEAKER_02Uh unicorn.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, unicorn. Um, but she was I don't know if she was five foot tall.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, she was small. Fat little pixie. Yeah. Cute little pixie.
SPEAKER_00Um yeah, so we played in the playroom, one of the playrooms, which was the big master bedroom. They had a big bed, they had a swing, and then they had a couple of like air mattresses, I think, on the side. And so we played a little bit on the air mattress.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and it's like I think that we were like blah, air mattress.
SPEAKER_00I was distracted. Like, I, you know, still being new to this. Plus, you know, it doesn't help when you have um all of that Buchanan's pineapple uh pineapple whiskey. Pineapple. No, we're we we don't make money off of that. We just like the stuff. Um my people. So we went there, um, played there, and then we went out and like Trinity was saying, we played on a we we played on the couch next to this threesome We were also in the airstream. We were also in the airstream.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we we you know we're just as about the ox and the three bears. Like, hey, what yeah, I like that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I mean, why not?
SPEAKER_00So then it was getting to be. I don't know if we we intended to do it or not, but like we basically fucked in the new year on this couch and a room full of people.
SPEAKER_02We were having fun and we're like, it's getting to be that time. Why not? Let's just let's just do it. So that's we did. We we break we rang in the new year.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it was a fun time.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and then we got applause and champagne. Applause, and then someone brought us some champagne.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we were doing the card though.
SPEAKER_02It was it was uh a it was a different kind of new year's uh that I've I I usually can't make it past like 10.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02So this was it's different.
SPEAKER_00It's New Year's summer. So let's talk about that really quick though. For you, like how did you feel about that? How what when we were there on the couch?
SPEAKER_02Uh I felt okay. Like, I don't mind being watched, um, as long as like someone's not, you know, I don't know, like a foot away from a foot away from staring. That's creepy and like intense, and that's uh but uh yeah, like you're in a cer sexy environment like that. People are might kind of glance your way, but they're also doing their own thing, and it's like business as usual. It's not a big deal.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I thought that was really interesting. Like I didn't feel like we were on display, but I felt like you know, people would watch, look away, go do other things, and we were just there in the background. And that was to me a new experience, obviously being just way out in the open like that. And I also had my back to people, so not you had your back to people a little bit, but you had your back to me too. Like you were Oh yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but I'm also not looking around the room. Like I'm paying at I'm I'm paying attention to what's the task at hand. Yeah. And also I go into like trance mode and I'm enjoying myself, and I don't care what the house is on fire.
SPEAKER_00No, I think that's I think that's what I've noticed for you is like when you get to that point, it's it you're focused on what's going on. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So you were I want to, hopefully. That's the that's the goal. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So we wrapped up uh that party. Enjoy the ringing of the new year. We probably left out of there about one o'clock.
SPEAKER_02Um and then not too long after we were things sort of energy sort of felt like it was changing. Um yeah, but I I do want to say, like, even going into this evening, like we had talked beforehand, like what we wanted for uh for our lifestyle journey. Yeah. And especially going into the new year, like, hey, we've had several months of like kind of like observation, getting the lay of the land, building up our comfort, uh our comfort. Um and so we're like, okay.
SPEAKER_00What do we want to do at this point?
SPEAKER_02Both of us saying, like, okay, let's let's actually do some stuff. Yeah. Let's stop talking about it.
SPEAKER_00That's right.
SPEAKER_02And see how it goes.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And we, you know, like I say, uh Trinity said too, like, we met and talked with a few people there, um, quite a few couples, uh, but we still just played by ourselves at that point and just had a good time. And we, I think we met our goals for the year. Because really, uh, it's simple for me. I I forget the conversations of the time, but I know for me it's I wanted to fuck in the new year. And I did that, and we did that in a room full of people. So that was interesting, fun, and definitely memorable.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I don't think we have been back to Illuminum Illuminati Party yet, but I still want to go back to one.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we've been pretty, we've been pretty busy kind of balancing all spheres of our lives and yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Okay. Um, I think with that, we're gonna take a quick break, and then when we come back, we really want to talk about kind of assessing where you're at in the lifestyle and figuring out, you know, are you on a path that you want to be on? Are you going too fast? Are you going too slow? And that was as we looked into this new year, uh, we did that for ourselves and just kind of gauged where we're at and we just want to talk about that. So we'll be back in just a minute and we'll get started on that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, see you soon.
Ringing In Midnight In Public
SPEAKER_02So we're really kind of um this year wanting to get out, get out and do things. Get out and do things. And we had been getting out, but we weren't we were doing things with each other and kind of I don't know, like clinging to each other.
SPEAKER_01And yeah, you okay, you're okay, am I okay?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we okay, everybody's everything okay, everybody's okay. Right. Uh we're not we're not breaking. We're fine. Uh so getting out and doing things, sort of like the uh unofficial theme of this year. Um, and so just adding in, just adding in what we already sort of have got established from last year. We already started going to different um, I guess, venues, events. Yeah. And now we're just adding in a little more to push, push our comfort level a little bit. Yeah. Uh discomfort, sitting in a little discomfort and it being okay. So um, and something that I know Neo, Neo asked me this. He's and we we've had a lot of conversations about it because communication, as everyone knows, really important.
SPEAKER_00Not easy.
SPEAKER_02Um, a lot of reflection, a lot of talking, um, and also like realizations for me around just sex anyway, is taking things very serious, being a little too serious.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02And I have I know for me, I have to get out of that mindset and it has to be more fun and um curious and playful, like playful, which is fun. Um, but I know I could slide into serious and with that, like negative. I'm looking for problems. I'm looking for things. I'm looking just more of a negative bend, like of like, uh, I don't know no one here. No, no, a lot of no's automatically. Sure. Um, and so we realize that we're a little different with that. Um, so getting aligned and you you reminding me, like, hey, we need remember, this is fun. Right.
SPEAKER_00It's playful. Meant to be fun.
SPEAKER_02This is playful. This is adult play. This is not your income taxes, like this is not serious work. Like, we're coming together and we're gonna have conversations about it. Right. We're taking it a little at a time.
SPEAKER_00And I think what's important there is, you know, even for me, like we approach Trinity and I approach things from different angles, um, often surprising each other, like how we're thinking about things. But you know, when she mentions, yay, this is supposed to be fun, like I'm telling her this. Part of that is also me reinforcing that for myself at the same time. Like, yeah, yeah, like, hey, this is supposed to be fun. I can build you up, which helps build me up.
SPEAKER_02Reassurance really helps, like, yes, encouraging each other, and we need to hear it ourselves.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so it really was helping me get into the right mindset as well by you know trying to encourage Trinity, reminding both of us what we're doing.
SPEAKER_02I gotta say how incredibly helpful it is for me to hear that because I don't realize like I'm like in a hole and I don't know I'm in a hole. And you s like, hey, remember, I think you should kind of say it like that. Hey, remember, this is supposed to be fun. I'm like, oh, oh my gosh, like you're right. I I am, I was about to say, I'm taking it to the mattresses. Um whatever.
SPEAKER_00It's a it's a saying for the week.
SPEAKER_02Whatever it is. It's in my head. I can't get it out. But yeah, like and I and I know, I know how I learned about like my way into my own sexuality and feeling like a sexual being through music, moving my body, which is dancing, um like kind of being playful, silly, and having to remember that because immediately I'll go into seeking safety, yeah, and tense up, and it's like you like reminding, like, hey, like, where are you at? Like, I'm holding my breath and my clenched up. Every muscle is really, but I'm I'm fine.
SPEAKER_00I'm fine. I'm fine. Yeah, and I can totally tell. I think when Trinity isn't, and you know, I think that's what when we talk about communication too, is some of this is tough. Like, I want to make sure that I'm encouraging her, um, at the same time not pushing. And there's a fine balance there.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. We've and we've had um some hard lessons along the way with that too. Yeah. Where it's like, how do you know? How do you know? And even for me being the receiver of that, like, what's the difference? How when do I feel pushed, pressured versus encouraged?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I I would love to have an answer for that.
SPEAKER_00Right. You don't know until you're in that moment. And sometimes you don't know until you've had a little bit of time to think about it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02But I think, yeah, knowing like you're you're finding out like what is what's your mindset? What are you wanting to do? First of all, what are you wanting to do? Um and for us is getting out and doing some things. Yeah. And and also we expanded on that too. Um, people will ask, What is your play dynamic? I'm always like, what do you mean? Please tell me exactly what you mean when you use these words. And I always get cut like hung up on language, like, what do you mean when you're asking this? Um, but we also have expanded what we thought we would be interested in. Yeah. Like we just started like absolutely there's a script. This is what you do, this is what you do.
SPEAKER_00We talked a little bit about that before. Yeah, there is a script that you can follow. Yeah. Or you can make your choose your own adventure.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So we started with the script and then deviated because we're like, hmm, what about this? What do you think about this, babe?
SPEAKER_00Uh because I think, you know, also the script kind of gives you, whether it's false or not, like it gives you a sense of security, a place of grounding. I can do this, then I can do this, then I can do this, then I can do this, and I'm following the script, and I'm okay. Um, and I think we kind of realize along the way that yes, you it's not necessarily a bad way to start, but at some point you got to figure out what is it that interests you.
SPEAKER_02What do you want to do?
SPEAKER_00What did you like?
SPEAKER_02So you as a you gotta figure out you as an individual and you as the couple or whatever, coupled, partnered, whatever partnership you have. Like what what are you looking for as an individual? And then as a couple, what do you want to do?
SPEAKER_00So so we looked at where we had been um over the past whatever, nine months, eight months of what we've been doing, and really just kind of took stock of the year and started talking a little bit about a little bit more about, you know, what do we want to do this year? And really it was more, I think, about expanding a little bit.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And I love how you do it. You're like, hey, what do you think about this? And I'm I'm making that like really simple. Usually it's prefaced with um I'm gonna say something. Like, don't freak out, don't get mad. Um, and it I I feel like, and maybe it doesn't come off this way, but I welcome these conversations because I it's like we want to get to know our partners more. I want to get to know what's in your head, um, what you're interested in, also helps me, gives me permission. Like I have a hard time accessing some things. Um, so it helps me, gives me permission. And then also like, yeah, you're bringing something that maybe I hadn't thought of before. And I'm like, oh, right. I like this because you are a more creative mind, and I'm more of a present, here now, very present what's happening in front of me right now.
SPEAKER_00Right. Um, and I struggle with being present, which you know, I I love that for us. Like I absolutely bring the creative side, the what about this? What about this? What about this? What about this? And then you also bring me to hey, like we're here right now. Let's focus on right here, right now. Enjoy this.
SPEAKER_02We do compliment each other.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02Um, but I do get entrenched. You're beautiful.
SPEAKER_00And I want to see inside of uh I want to see what's under those panties right now. That's my compliment. Oh god. Thank you for those.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Sorry, you don't get to see what I just saw. So anyways, yes, we compliment each other.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but I do and I I I think we I think anyone can like kind of dig in and to what you're used to doing and getting through something. And yeah, yeah. And so like being aware, like I'm gonna go back to that mindset thing of like where's your mind? Yeah, where's your mind? Because your mind will lead how you're feeling. It's like this whole full body experience of like, but where are you? It's like Google Maps. You want to go somewhere? Cool. Where's your starting point?
Midyear Check-In On Lifestyle Goals
SPEAKER_02Where are you? First, you gotta know where you're at to know where you're gonna go.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I love that analogy because you know, it's also where are you going? Like, yeah, you don't know how to get there if you don't know where you're going. Yeah, you're just gonna be you're gonna give me a destination.
SPEAKER_02You're gonna be like me driving and I think driving around the detours of the city, like, I don't know what street is this.
SPEAKER_00But even as we're talking about this, you know, as we set goals, and I think listeners out there, as you set goals, like there's a comfortable space in being broad, a little bit vague, and maybe sometimes you don't know the specifics of a thing. Because I think if we talk about, hey, what do we want to do this year? It's we want to be a little bit more forward, we want to be a little bit more engaging, we want to, we want to feel like we can try some things. I don't think that um we've had a lot of conversation necessarily around like, okay, what does that specifically mean? Like, what do you want to do?
SPEAKER_02Like creating smart goals.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god. Small, measurable, attainable.
SPEAKER_02Please don't say that's realistic. And was it time?
SPEAKER_00Maybe time. Time-based. Let's not do that. I mean, I love that though. I mean, she's got she's whipping out a spreadsheet here for you all. She's she's tracking properly.
SPEAKER_02No, no spreadsheets. But um, I think there is something to be said about that though, because then you have something concrete specific, you know, instead of this vague thing that's abstract, and it's like, oh, what is that me? What's that look like? How do you know you have done it? Right. What's it look like? How does it feel?
SPEAKER_00Right. And I think it's like if I say I want to push myself or push us a little bit more, and then we're like, yeah, that sounds good, and we walk away. Like, I don't know that we always know what that meant. Yeah, yeah, we both agree, but we I don't know totally that we agreed on the same thing.
SPEAKER_02One idea, and I um uh got this idea. I think I got this idea from Ed and Phoebe, their podcast.
SPEAKER_00Um Swinger University.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, Swinger University. I think it was the I want to make give credit. Um it was like you go to a don't sit down when you go someplace. Yes, do not fall in that trap. Do not sit down, yeah.
SPEAKER_00You're done. That was our first thing. I think that was the first thing we told ourselves at our first house party, don't sit down.
SPEAKER_02And it's such an impulse. You walk in the door, you want to go sit down.
SPEAKER_00Because what happens when you go to a normal party around a bunch of people that you don't know? For us, we're both introvert kind of leaning, introvert, introvert, introvert leaning, whatever. And so our instinct is go sit down somewhere and just observe.
SPEAKER_02Go find someone you know, yeah, yeah. And the second part of that, um find like don't leave, like you have to meet three people, three couples, three people, like make that like and that wasn't our goal, wasn't to play with somebody, our goal wasn't to go do anything, like that was not it. It was like zero or low, low expectations there. But goal, talk to three people. So I mean that was like a smart goal.
SPEAKER_00Yep, you're right.
SPEAKER_02It was measurable, measurable. Um, yeah, and also um, and I like to think of this too, like the intention. What is our intention? What are we setting out to do?
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02Are we just gonna is it okay? Is it good enough to have fun? Yes, even if it's just fun what for ourselves.
SPEAKER_00Right. Absolutely. And I think even, yeah, man, I could go down a whole bunch of rabbit holes. Um, but yes, like what is your intention? And I think setting an intention for the year was good. Like we've done some things, we've we have not broken ourselves. No, like we can push the boundaries a little bit more.
SPEAKER_02We've done some stuff, man.
SPEAKER_00Right. And I was just having a conversation, like a chat with this couple um this morning that uh uh just kind of met online last night, but it the point that I was making was uh they are new in the last year too, and we're both just like it is crazy to me how comfortable it has been, how enjoyable it has been, like watching Trinity have sex or you know, do something sexual with another person. That is so hot. And like two years ago, three years ago, if somebody told me that, I'd have been like, no way, that's crazy. Hell no. But there's nothing more that I love than seeing her have pleasure, and that is so hot. And it's and it you we would not have learned that. I would not have learned that if we hadn't just pushed ourselves a little bit and given ourselves the space to try that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Like, let's let's do it and see how it goes. We're just gonna try it out and see how it goes, and we never have to do it again if it's terrible. Right.
SPEAKER_00And it ha And we don't have to we're not we don't need to get mad at each other if it's sucked. No, we just say, hey, we didn't like it.
SPEAKER_02In agreement. And I think that's really important.
SPEAKER_00Yes. And I think though, it really is uh challenging sometimes in the moment to reflect and remember that, to reinforce yourself. We're in agreement. Like, get the foot off the brakes. We're in agreement, right? Let's go, let's do this.
SPEAKER_02So, like that reassure. I I know for me, and I hate that I need it, but I need to be reminded because I do go back into my automatic thinking of nope, nope. I go back to the no of that negative, like, nope, nope, break, break, break, break, no, no, no, no. This is not okay, that's not okay.
SPEAKER_00And I'm gonna say something a little bit tongue-in-cheek because I think it is fitting, but you know, beyond the safety piece for Trinity, it's also like the good girl aspect. Like, no, good girl doesn't do that. Yeah, and then I say tongue in cheek because I'm like, oh yeah, a good girl does that. I like to be a good girl. Good girl. So I think flipping the script on what a good girl is.
SPEAKER_02Yes, owning it. Like it doesn't have to be this uh kind of, yeah. I don't want to go down that path because you know how I feel about this stuff already. Um being like um the patriarchy and all that jazz. But gosh, yeah. I'm done. Let's come out of that one. It's so sexy just to rebuke the patriarchy. Bring it. I love that though.
SPEAKER_00Uh I'm in a hundred percent agreement. I think the lifestyle helps with that, helps challenge some of that mindset too. I think it is empowering for women as long as you lean into that. Not saying like we've had conversations, lifestyle isn't all kumbaya, everybody's perfect, it isn't all that it's a microcosm of the creator, larger society. But I do think it gives women the space that they weren't given often in our generation of you can enjoy sex, be sexual, and that's okay. Yeah, yeah. Because I think when our generation, like you had a choice to make when you were young. You're either going to be a bad girl slut or you're gonna be a good girl, and you're not gonna have sex until you're married, and then you're gonna pump out some kids and have a in both of those is like, well, is anybody happy? Right. Those are the two choice, those are the only two choices. Yeah, that's I can't enjoy sex, uh have more of it, and still be good. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So so that I know, and I think that goes into my programming of serious and saying no, serious, no, no, no, no, serious, seriously. So it's like the deprogramming and practicing
Playful Mindset Versus Serious Mode
SPEAKER_02something new.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely. So this year, Trinity. Yeah, like what things have we discussed? What do you what things are you thinking about? Even if we haven't talked about it before. Like for you, what are you thinking about? What do you want to do this year?
SPEAKER_02That we haven't done already.
SPEAKER_00We haven't done already, or more of like it doesn't have to be we haven't done it. And this will be a challenge. I know that.
SPEAKER_02Um gosh, I think more of everything. Um, well, we've um played with uh some single guys.
SPEAKER_00That's been hot, really one bad experience. Um and a lot of great experiences, I think.
SPEAKER_02Good because like you can't really describe it's just it's a different dynamic than two and two. Like in obviously, obviously, but it it's it's just less or different kind of energy, different sort of like effort.
SPEAKER_00Um we'll talk a little bit about that more in the future. So does that mean like more of that?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, like like I like the single guy stuff. Um, but I also like I like the um the I don't know.
SPEAKER_00Four-way, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, the four-way, whatever, the two and two, I don't know what you call that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but it's a but I think when you're saying that, just to clarify and correct me if I'm wrong, it's for us, like we've found that we want to be comfortable with a couple, have fun with a couple, but we all want to be like for us, we want to be on the same bed. Where you can, it's it's easy, it's fun, we can swap back and forth, we can laugh, we can take a break, we can come back. Like that's been really fun for us.
SPEAKER_02I heard it described as like a bowl of spaghetti.
SPEAKER_00Bowl of spaghetti.
SPEAKER_02It's like, yeah, I love that. Just like like touching and bodies and fun and laughing and it's like giggling and going to the bathroom every 10 minutes, and it's like because that's just life.
SPEAKER_00Yep, whatever. Every drink of water, sip of wine, whatever.
SPEAKER_02Just it is just like, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I've loved that. And we've played with a particular couple twice, and it's been like that. It's been really fun, really easy, uh, and really enjoyable. And I I'm with you on that. Like, I'm not necessarily looking to have a ton of crazy new things in this new year, but feeling more open to doing that with others. And I think for for me, it's still more about what I'm looking for is like building that group of friends.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Where you can do that.
SPEAKER_02I uh as you ask me, like um, you know, what I'm looking forward to and what I've like liked and want to continue. That I and I appreciate the most is like that friend, comfortable. I like the comfort with people. Yeah. Um, it really helps. Yeah. Because then it you can use your voice. Absolutely. I like that. Easier. Personally, I can only speak for myself.
SPEAKER_00I had a thought about that, but absolutely. Like, yeah, you're more than a good idea.
SPEAKER_02I mean, I could absolutely say speak my mind with somebody, and it'd be like, Well, you won't be hearing from them again. Right. Which is good because then you're not a match. It's like you get like, oh, like, yeah, we've had these conversations, kind of prep prep conversations. We talk about it. It's not weird. It's always gonna be awkward, but whatever. You just make it fun and like, yeah, I'm glad we talked about these things. Yep. But I'll tell you what I am not interested in. Okay. You didn't ask, but I'm gonna tell you. Oh I'm a little scared right now, but that's okay. I am not interested in like a play with a unicorn. I I don't that dynamic.
SPEAKER_00I well, it's a little bit different, I think, because you are not bisexual.
SPEAKER_02Bisexual.
SPEAKER_00You'll you'll play and touch and kiss above the waist stuff.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I don't bisexual chat. But I'm just like, I feel like there would be like commercial breaks. Like there's an intermission. There's only one you.
SPEAKER_00There is only one you.
SPEAKER_02And there's only like I yeah. I think we have had some like that kind of experience with four people when somebody is uh uh the other male has pulled back a little bit or gone off to the bathroom or whatever. Yeah, and so there has there's been a dynamic though.
SPEAKER_00Because I can do it for like five minutes. I can be playing with two girls at the same time, but I don't have to keep that up for an hour or two.
SPEAKER_02That's a lot of pressure.
SPEAKER_00I think it is. I really like we were talking with our really close friends last weekend, and you know, it's like, hey, those experiences are fun, even like MFM is fun. It's like, and you can create those dynamics with the foursome, like in when you guys are playing, like somebody can go take a break for a minute, and then one person can play with two others.
SPEAKER_02You're you're getting like a mini version of that, yeah. And also it's low pressure as long as everyone's on the same page and there's it's just good.
SPEAKER_00No unicorns this year. I'm gonna take that off my list for this year.
SPEAKER_02I don't even think it's on your I don't think it's on your list.
SPEAKER_00It's a little bit. Um it's a little bit, but I still think it's a complicated factor about not being by because I thought I was listening to a podcast, I don't know, probably six, seven months ago, where they had brought on somebody that said that they were a unicorn, but and this is all about definitions, so I get it. But she was like, Yeah, I don't play with women. I'm like, What does that make you a unicorn? I guess so, because you're playing with a couple, you're a single female playing with a couple. But I think as I understand, like for the most part, even as I've seen profiles, like unicorns are deaf for the most part bisexual, like they like both parts. But there are definitely ones out there, I guess, that yeah, like, no.
SPEAKER_02Sure, I would think there's a a variety because as people are definitely as I talk about that now, I'm like, it threw me off when I listened to in the podcast.
SPEAKER_00Like, how can you be a unicorn if you only play with guys? But yeah, that wouldn't even cross my mind. Yeah, no, I I I guess it wouldn't for you, but anyways, sorry, sidetracked.
SPEAKER_02But you know, I would love for you to be ravished by you know, attacked by all these women.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00That sounds good. That'd be good.
SPEAKER_02That would be good.
SPEAKER_00But you gotta be part of it, anyways. Okay, so anything else that you for me, I think that's a lot of what about you?
SPEAKER_02Um what are you looking for? Oh I I bet you've got ideas. So what have ideas? What have you we done this year that you'd like to continue? And what would you like to do that we haven't done yet?
SPEAKER_00I would absolutely like to continue everything that you said, though. I like the um single male dynamic. Um, we'll talk about that in another episode because we've had some of those, and I think that's a good episode on itself. Um, I like that. I like the four-way connection. So I think for me, like this year, I wanted to be a little bit more purposeful in meeting some additional couples, only because I still want to create like a group, even where like we feel free having a bunch of people over to our house or whatever. I'm not interested in hosting a bunch of strangers, no, but creating an event where I still think it would be awesome to you have a group of friends, everybody gets along to have an orgy if they wanted to, or if they wanted to, right? But it's all about being comfortable around each other, all of that stuff, right? Creating a space for that opportunity. But I think you know, this year I want to improve my confidence in communication with you. Like as you've given me some of that like reassurance, it's still a scary place because you never know how things are gonna land. Um, but I think you also know where I'm coming from, like in a place of love and respect and all that.
SPEAKER_02So I think just being more confident about initiating communications, and I encourage that, like, even though I might be the immediate, no. Um like I do I want those conversations, like please bring it to the table.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and then bring it to the mattresses. Also, like I and this is a I think this is gonna be a a feels kind of one to see if I can or not. But I I do want to be a little bit more flirty in environments, but not a place where like that's pushing on a jealousy button sometimes. And so I I think and that could also be in my head, but it's like I want to kind of I want to lean into that because I think that that's fun and that creates fun and that creates like desire where you're like, okay, let's go play now.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I want that for you.
SPEAKER_00But you also I think it's a unique thing. So we'll we'll figure that out and see how that works as we go out and have more experiences or whatever. But I think it's I think also this year is just about continuing on with where we're at. Like we've done quite a bit over this last year, as you helped me remember. Um, and I just want to take what we've learned this year and also the we didn't break ourselves in this year, yeah, and just feel free to you know expand on that.
Boundaries And Expanding What We Want
SPEAKER_00Um and just have more have more fun.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. It's not it, it's not what you think like you you think it's bigger than it is. Right. And maybe it isn't for somebody. Maybe it is exactly that huge giant size. Maybe it is. But for us, it is it seemed like it would be bigger than it turned out to be.
SPEAKER_00Well, why did you say that when you're looking at your penis is pretty wonderful. It seemed like it was gonna be bigger than it turned out to be.
SPEAKER_02Seemed like it was gonna be bigger. It seems it seems pretty awesome how it is.
SPEAKER_00Um yeah, so that's us for this new year. But I think what I would say is, you know, think about that for yourselves. Whether you're just getting started, whether you've been doing this for a while, you know, what is it that you are looking to do in this year? Do you is there anything you want to be purposeful about or just more of the same? Maybe you're a tenured lifestyler and you're comfortable with where you're at, that's great. I love that.
SPEAKER_02But if you if you're wanting to change things up, um being really um really intentional, like getting clear what is it that you would like to do, and then taking steps to do it instead of just wish wishing in open, wishing in open, and then wondering, I wonder why this doesn't happen. Okay, how come no one comes and talks to us? Yeah, yes, like what are you doing to make it happen? Right.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Okay, so I what I kind of want to do is uh think about the last year. So we have done three house parties, I think. Um we've done some hotel takeovers, we've done some clubs. Uh we did a resort. Uh yeah, we did Desire Rivera Maya, we did a Bliss Cruise. Like we did all of these things. For you, what's been your favorite so far? And what would you what would you do more of? And what would you do? What would you maybe not do again if you uh had to pick?
SPEAKER_02My favorite has been something you didn't mention. Oh.
SPEAKER_00Just the two-on-two kind of meetup.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, just meeting up. And I know I've heard from people like, oh, they like that less because it takes the most amount of time, and it's like a like a drudge and people flake, but um, I've liked that because it's usually like a um a kind of like quiet, intimate kind of setting where you can actually get to talk in to people instead of uh like fighting your way through and making time. Yeah. Um yeah. Um when we were at Scarlet Ranch and met with those like new all the new people, it was a little different situation, but it was like it was like that.
SPEAKER_01It was intimate in a like a hybrid. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02And that was really nice because we all kind of hung out like as a small group. Yeah. Um, that's been my favorite.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_02Um so it I know I'm always contrary. I'm so contrary. Or you ask me a question and I go, I do the exact opposite.
SPEAKER_00No, that's I just forgot to list that. But yeah, that's a thing. Um something I my least favorite. Yeah, is there anything that you would not do again?
SPEAKER_02Um I don't think so. I mean, there was nothing that was like a clear like um I would have to look at like all the things, like expense, um the hassle, hassle, uh getting things in line because we always have to go out of town.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, looking at just like logistics and financial burden.
SPEAKER_00Um, but we have to go out of town for events, but like when we meet up people, we can meet them. We do go local, yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um and I like that because it's just sort of on the fly we can go.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. It seems like more as opposed to all the planning and logistics stuff and yeah. Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Um yeah, less pressure, in my opinion. Okay. And the travel, like, I don't know about I think you I could speak for both of us, but like we're stressed when there's travel. Travel sucks. It takes a few days to kind of feeling good.
SPEAKER_00And then trying to make the transition into like the event. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02To get out of serious and then playful.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02It's like you're trying, you're running to your gate. Like, that's not playful.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And then for me, I think my favorites is the same. Oh. I think the hotel takeover was good. Which I think San Antonio Libertina. Yeah, the San Antonio one. That was really good. But I would like to do this. Is back to like what I would like to do. Like, I would like to like we're gonna go to one in June, a hotel takeover. I want to be a little bit more intentional about making it the hybrid thing. Where like if we can meet a couple or two and just like show off and just have some conversations and try and build something as opposed to just you know being around the crowd the whole time. So I'm curious if that's a thing that can happen, even as we go to Naughty in July, like meeting people. And that's kind of why I had the conversation with this new couple online is I want I would like to like prep, like, hey, let's meet up with a few people that we talk to ahead of time. We don't have to play, but let's make that intentional so that you know you're not in just a mass of people and then you never make any connection. So just some of that um would be good. And I I think more of the same still, like MFM, all of that good stuff.
SPEAKER_02I like that. I like that approach. Uh yeah, that makes sense to apply that. I mean, we're talking about it, but to apply it um to that.
SPEAKER_00And then finally, I'll last this last piece in this new year. And it may be a hybrid, but still, new experiences or like new friends? What would be more ideal?
SPEAKER_02Oh, new friends.
SPEAKER_00Okay, yeah. I agree, but I think for me it's like new friends that lead to new experiences. Yeah. Like we start there though, so that's a progression.
SPEAKER_02Like, um yeah, because like new experience, like what would that be without having a friendship? That I feel like that's at well, at least right at this moment where we're at, it doesn't seem likely.
SPEAKER_00It doesn't we're not gonna have new experiences with people that we don't know.
SPEAKER_02That's yeah, it's not impossible. Not at all.
SPEAKER_00No, maybe we've made friends, I don't know, but absolutely it's still friends-ish, whatever, and then experience. Yeah, and I have more interest in that. I think for us, like I still come back to what I said earlier, I want to build a friend group. Like it's we've made some of the best friends. And I'll tell you, like, I don't know if you're listening, you you relate, but it is it's been near impossible for us to make friends as adults until we entered the lifestyle, and then it seems Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Well, we have moved around a lot in our adult life, so we got our but even trying to break game.
SPEAKER_00But I mean, it's just it's weird how hard it is to make friends as adults. They are, but you know, everyone's raised all their kids and then they're just done, and then they just kind of sit around and it's like, how do you make friends? Well, you fuck them apparently.
SPEAKER_02Yes, and finding people that want to have like who are who want to have sex because I know there's a lot of people who are not they don't have a great sex life in their marriage and they don't want to talk about it. Right.
SPEAKER_00It's the last thing on their mind. And they don't realize this stuff goes on. Like two years ago would I have known about all of this stuff? Not really, not like the amount of events that go on in our city and other cities, like that all of that was a shadow world, and we found our way into it, and I'm enjoying it. So here we go. Me too, me too.
Favorite Formats And What’s Next
SPEAKER_00Looking forward to this new year. All right, guys. Uh, that's it. We will come back in just a minute and close out. So thanks for listening. I'll be right back. Okay, we're back. We're gonna wrap things up. So I think um next episode we'll probably talk a little bit about our Bliss Cruise adventure, which was our first cruise ever, much less a lifestyle cruise. Yeah. Um, and then we've got for us um hotel takeover coming up in June.
SPEAKER_02And then Nadia in Orleans in July. It is our first uh appearance there.
SPEAKER_00That's right. And then I don't know if we've mentioned it before, but we're going to the Room 77 sin event in October. Talk to a Slim Harris, Mexico. Yeah, really. So we're really looking forward to that too. That's right. Yeah. So um, yeah, lots coming up, a lot we want to cover still. Um, again, not scripted, none of that stuff, but we really like to have these conversations and hopefully help others out um and share our excitement along the way.
SPEAKER_02That said, and I just gotta say, I've been meat gazing like this entire episode, and I need to do something with that.
SPEAKER_00That's right. You do. All right, we'll wrap things up. I'm Neo. And I'm Trinity. Thanks for listening. Stay sexy, people. Bye.
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