Welcome And Adult Content Note

Speaker 3 0:07

This is Unplugged and Turned On, where we drop the masks, challenge the rules, and explore what connection, desire, and relationships really look like beneath the surface. This is an adult podcast and is not intended for anyone under the age of 18. So if you're under 18, go find something else to listen to.

Speaker 0:31

I'm Neo. And I'm Trinity. And together we're getting into the real stuff: attraction, intimacy, communication, and the moments that actually create chemistry.

Speaker 3 0:43

No scripts, no pretending. Just honest conversations about what turns us on. Mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Speaker 0:54

So go ahead.

Speaker 3 0:55

Unplug a little.

Speaker 0:57

And let's turn something on.

Speaker 1 1:01

Hey everybody, welcome back. I'm Neo. And I'm Trinity. And I think we're at episode 11. 11. That's right. Um

What Attunement Really Means

Speaker 1 1:10

today we I think we're going to talk a little bit about, you know, are you actually paying attention to your play partners? So really attunement lifestyle. I don't know, you know, how many people are actually familiar with the word attunement, but that's kind of what we're going to talk about. What do you think, Trinity?

Speaker 3 1:31

Yeah, I think attunement is uh important, um, kind of picking up signals instead of just listening to words.

Speaker 1 1:40

Yeah, absolutely. We had an experienced this just a couple days ago.

Speaker 3 1:46

Um Yeah, and that just kind of led us to some conversations and kind of figure out um how to take or improve going forward. And we're always looking at like, how do we what did we learn?

Speaker 1 2:00

Right. And like what are we looking for? Not only to give to play partners, but kind of expectations for them, right? Because your words can only go so far, you can only I I don't know, capture what you're looking for so much, and then you know, then things get started and you're it's either enjoyable or it's not.

Speaker 3 2:19

And some of the things we picked up on the other night were like, hey, like Yeah, thinking having conversations, thinking everybody's on the same page. There's like lots of agreement, consent. Um, yeah, it's like thumbs up, let's go. And then something got like getting wrinkled, and then totally going in a different trajectory.

Speaker 1 2:44

Right, absolutely. Yeah, it's like um a scratch on a record, like everything sounds fine, and then all of a sudden there's a scratch, and then something goes right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Um, okay, so really I think the opening question I would have is like, have you ever played with someone who just and this is for our audience too, someone who just didn't get it? Um, you know, they they didn't notice things getting quieter, um, they kept escalating when energy was decreasing, things like that. I think really, you know, when you're playing another example is like um somebody's body is saying, like, hey, slow down, this isn't right, and their words are like, hey, it's okay. So things like that. And I think that's where we get back to really what is attunement? Like, what is that? So with that, I'm gonna pass it over to Trinidad and say, Hey, what do you think? Uh definition of attunement. What does that look like?

Speaker 3 3:47

Yeah, for me, when I think of that word, I think of like the actual word like in there is like tune. Tune in. Yeah. Are you tuned in? Tune in what's going on around you, with the person, the people, yourself. Like, are you tuned in to the whole thing? Or yeah, that's what attunement is to me. What it is isn't, but that's what attunement means for me when I think about um uh practicing it.

Speaker 1 4:22

Yeah, absolutely. And let's say, you know, for us, we uh mentioned it a little bit before, like a little bit of uh somatica training, which is really about body stuff. And that's what I think about attunement, that's kind of what I think, right? It's noticing body language, noticing the nonverbal cues, seeing what's going on with the other person. If it is in their words, it's also like, how are they saying it? What's the what's their voice like?

Speaker 3 4:49

Yeah, I think everyone can can relate with like a partner of theirs, and this like, hey, what do you think about this and this? And their arms are crossed uh over their chests, and they're not making eye contact, and their words are saying, Yeah, that's fine.

Speaker 5:06

Right.

Speaker 3 5:07

Is it right? Is it fine? Because the words are saying yes, but everything else is screaming no. If you are attuned, you're gonna check in, slow down, like, hey, what's up?

Speaker 1 5:22

Right. And you know, I I would just say, you know, it kind of brought to mind like, hey, in a non-lifestyle environment, just you and I, you know, if somebody says, I'm fine, fine, we're fine. No, it's not fine.

Speaker 3 5:36

It isn't right, even the person and even the person that's saying it may think they are fine, right? Or they want to be fine. Yeah, or they're like, Yeah, I'll just deal with it. It's like, right, that's no no good.

Speaker 1 5:49

Yep, absolutely. So I think you know, attunement is it it's not mind-rating, it's not assuming, it's really just paying attention to what's going on with the person.

Speaker 3 5:59

Yeah, also what's going on in your body. Yeah, body is gonna throw flags, like flag on the play. Why am I wanting to pause here? Oh, it's because something is cut going on with this other person.

Speaker 1 6:12

Yep, yeah, absolutely. And I think that's important. Like you have to notice your own body as well, and the other person's because you know, that's really I that's back to what attunement is, and it's being in tune with each other, and it starts with you. Um, so really things like breathing, muscle tension, facial expressions, all that kind of stuff really comes into play, but the whole thing really is being present, like not being so goal-oriented or whatever that you're you're there in the moment.

Speaker 3 6:41

I know uh men, women, and you anyone um can get in their head like, oh, I'm here to do a job. Like getting in your head means you are not fully in your body.

Speaker 1 6:52

Absolutely, right. And I think from a lifestyle perspective, like it's all about trying to feel pleasure in your body. That's what I look at it. And if you can't be there mentally, then you're not really your body's not gonna get what you wanted out of it.

Speaker 3 7:07

A literal disconnect. Absolutely, like it's a disconnect yourself and then anyone that you are um engaging with disconnection, yep. Which is what we experienced, in my opinion. It felt like that.

Speaker 1 7:22

Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 3 7:23

So I I think you know, before we yeah, and not between us, we did not have disconnection between us.

Speaker 1 7:29

No, absolutely. I think we were very tuned into each other, but even then, like Yeah, they were still flags on the play. Flags on the play.

Speaker 3 7:38

Yeah, American football is about to start, so I'm already thinking.

Speaker 1 7:42

Is it a yellow card or red card? All right. Um

Scripts Performance And Moving Too Fast

Speaker 1 7:46

so from your perspective, why are we why do you think we're terrible at this sometimes of lifestyle, just as people?

Speaker 3 7:55

Um guess is that we want to we want to do right by the other person. We want to meet their goals and their wishes. They're we want to do the thing. So we ignore we we just ignore a bunch of stuff.

Speaker 1 8:14

Right. I I think that speaks to like, you know, you already have a script written out in your head on how things are gonna go. Like, I'm gonna do this. We've talked about a little bit before, a little bit of scripting and the lifestyle, but like I'm gonna do this, this, this, this, this, and this. And in that, you're so goal-oriented, I think, that you lose track who of what's going on in your body and the other person's body because you're you're trying to go through this thing and you're trying to be great to the other person, but you're not really paying attention to what's going on.

Speaker 3 8:45

You're on the conveyor belts, and something changes in the environment, but you're still moving on to the next thing. It's like, no, just because the environment changed doesn't mean we skip ahead.

Speaker 1 8:57

Right. Yeah, absolutely. Yep.

Speaker 3 8:59

Get off, get off the conveyor belt or the escalator, damn it. Yeah, take your own path.

Speaker 1 9:05

Right. I think some of the other stuff is like excitement, like, hey, this is all new, never done this before. So, in that excitement, you kind of lose a little bit of what's going on in the moment, too. Like, holy shit.

Speaker 3 9:19

And in the excitement, I think we're speeding up, yeah, moving fast, and our mind is moving faster. We're breathing faster, uh, just slowing things down.

Speaker 1 9:29

Yeah.

Speaker 3 9:30

Um, that's how we are embodied. That's slow down.

Speaker 1 9:34

Slowing things down, yeah.

Speaker 3 9:35

Yeah, and I I love I think the quickest way to do that is how quick are you breathing?

Speaker 1 9:41

Right.

Speaker 3 9:42

Are you panting? Right. Like we're not we're not doing sprints here. Yeah. I'm stuck on sprint intervals right now in my in my head. Yeah, my workout stuff. And I'm like, slow it down. This isn't a sprint.

Speaker 2 9:54

This is there's no rush.

Speaker 3 9:58

This is about pleasure and fun and moving too fast. You're rem you might be removing some of the things that you really are wanting to experience.

Speaker 1 10:06

Yeah, and I I really, you know, we talked about just a little bit ago, but I really like how it, you know, attunement and embodiment and all that stuff is all it is is is both ends of the equation, right? It's what do I want out of this and how am I feeling right now? And what does my partner want out of this? And how do I, how are they feeling right now? Am I noticing all that? Because I think all of us want good experiences.

Speaker 3 10:29

Yeah. I think that's a maybe something I'll add to like a conversation that we have with with people is like, this is how I would like to feel.

Speaker 2 10:37

Yeah.

Speaker 3 10:38

And how would you like to feel? Right. Kind of sets the like, hey, the intention of like, hey, if we're just doing wham bam, thank you, ma'am. Everyone knows what that intention is. Like, what's the intention here? And usually I think I I do like, I like to say it's really important for me to have fun and to laugh and maybe that got skipped. Maybe I skipped that a little bit.

Speaker 1 11:02

I think you do we skip that maybe in that checklist, but you know, I still it's it it's also the checking in throughout, right? So you can set all of the intentions that you want, and everyone's like, yeah, this is great. And then every and then we start, and I don't know, it's like the law of first contact. Do you got a great plan until somebody gets punched in the nose and then it's all thrown out, right? It's kind of like that. So it's like you've had these discussions, everyone's on the same page, then it starts, excitement builds, and you know, even us sometimes in in our play together, it's like excitement will build for me, and then like that raw hunger takes over, and and you lose track sometimes of what you're doing, and you know, some of that yeah, which is good to have those.

Speaker 3 11:46

That's okay, flexibility, yeah.

Speaker 1 11:48

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 11:49

But I think that's where attunement comes in too, because you know it is because in those situations you're talking about like like we're attuned or whoever we're playing with is attuned, and it's like on a mutually felt left turn.

Speaker 1 12:04

Right, right, absolutely. And I think you know, coming back to you, your checklist, kind of the setting of the mood, like this is what we want to do. Um, you know, I think some of the things that that you realize too is hey, uh one of you know, Trinity's things is we talk about, you know, pre-play is like, hey, um, you don't how you don't ask to do something. If there's something that you're that I don't want you to do, I'm definitely gonna tell you, right?

Speaker 3 12:32

No, it's for me, it's specifically the question exactly phrased as so what do you want? That to me, I yeah, but like Right.

Speaker 1 12:43

But I think where I was going with that is like, you know, I'm gonna tell you if I don't like something. But I think the body programming too, sometimes when you're in the moment, is I trying to figure out do I like this? Is this okay? Like if you're feeling uncomfortable, are you how do you feel sane in that moment? And I think the attunement portion of that is yeah, a person may be trying to figure it out, but you can also kind of see if there's discomfort, dislike of something, and as the giving partner, like you don't you shouldn't always have to wait for somebody to tell you that this isn't good, right? You should still be seeing some of that. Yes, yeah, because the person may be in the moment, and in that moment, they may feel uncomfortable saying something, like, hey, I don't want to ruin this thing, but this that we're doing right now kind of sucks. Yeah. So I think that's where attunement comes in, is is noticing those cues. Um, but I also think notice those and feel free to ask about those because what you see on somebody's face is not necessarily like how you're interpreting it. Right. So feel but so check in, yeah. Say something.

Speaker 3 13:58

Like, hey, I'm picking up on this. Yes, uh, hey, and then ask the question.

Speaker 1 14:02

Do you like this? Do you not like this? Yeah, that's okay. And I think some of that adds to just the playfulness of what play should be, right?

Speaker 3 14:09

Yeah, it also takes away awkwardness, like uh just go out and say it. It's okay to be direct, it's okay to say the thing. Yeah. Um, yeah.

Speaker 1 14:17

Yeah, so I think sometimes, you know, so we talked a little bit about it, excitement, performance, that kind of stuff. Sometimes it's the novelty of all of this where you kind of um, it's like, am I am I doing this right? Am I good enough? Are they enjoying me? Things like that. So and that in our head, we're going through this stuff, but we're not really paying attention to the person that we're playing with.

Speaker 3 14:39

Thank you for um coming back to that.

Speaker 1 14:40

And the the novelty of it. Alcohol substances, that obviously will play a role in some of this too, right? It numbs a little bit of that. Um, not only for the receiver, but for the giver too. Like it numbs, so I think it's just being cognizant of that. Sometimes if you have partaken too much, uh it may not be a good idea to play. But you know, you've you know you've got to know yourself.

Speaker 3 15:03

Yeah, your spidey senses might be a little yeah. I don't know if if uh Peter Parker, like, you know, whatever.

Speaker 15:12

If he drinks too much, I'm done with that story. Or is spidey senses working probably now? I was picking it up, yeah.

Speaker 3 15:20

Oh a little, yeah.

Speaker 1 15:22

And then I think the last part I would say on that one is um consent earlier in the evening doesn't eliminate the need for attunement later on. So just because somebody says, yes, this is okay, you still have to be attuned to the person as you're going through things.

Speaker 3 15:40

Yes, like this is okay, but in the moment, it is it doesn't even make sense in the moment or something. Right. I don't know. Did you mention goal-oriented? Um I think they could be it could be stuck with performance in there, maybe um, but goal-oriented and maybe around the script too of like, hey, this I'm gonna get this thing, and no matter what, I'm just gonna I'm going to conquer. I am going to this is what it means to have uh a good play experience. Yes, and this is what I'm set out to do.

Speaker 1 16:17

I will I want to, I'm, I think, you know, hopefully it's okay, but I'm gonna bring it back to the experience that we had on Friday.

When A Goal Kills The Mood

Speaker 1 16:23

Yeah, right. Goal orientation. So in Trinity's discussions, um, going over things, she'll talk about hey, she is a squirter. And I think for some people that is such a novelty. Like they want to see it, and they've seen it done in porn, and they've seen it done on some videos, like how to make a person squirt, and that becomes like a goal for them. And this happened on Friday, like ramming in and out, ramming in and out, ramming in and out, ramming in and out, and that is very much fingers and like knuckles is what the fuck are you doing? Right, and I think you mentioned it once, like, hey, like like yeah, like uh slow down, also like what the right uh and I think that's the goal orientation thing because this is back to like when Trinity and I play, like, yeah, she'll squirt, but that's not the goal. No, it's never been the goal.

Speaker 3 17:18

When I mention it to people like before we play, I feel like I'm I'm doing a courtesy of like hey, if you don't like, I just want you to know it may happen. Right. I have I am taking precautions as like you know, a blanket, waterproof blanket. If you don't want to be a splash zone, get yourself out of the like if it happens, just so you know, I'm just one of those people.

Speaker 1 17:44

Not a goal, but let's not make it.

Speaker 3 17:46

I do not want anyone to make it their goal, or like, oh, I really want to see this happen, or I'm I'm a god at this with other women. Oh my gosh. Please that is don't don't contact me. We're will not be playing together. Right. Like that is not fun for me. Yeah. I do not want to be your conquest. Jacked up.

Speaker 1 18:09

For you, it's more like if it happens in the course of play, it happens naturally. And that's just you're letting people know that could happen.

Speaker 3 18:16

Yes, and that's just how like it's for me. I can only speak to me and you, but like a little bit you, but like I like the fun and just what's happening in the moment and not a thing that has to get. I think the check box it is checking. What is that? Check mark on the box. Check box.

Speaker 18:37

What is it?

Speaker 3 18:38

Check box, check mark check box. Check please.

Speaker 1 18:44

Yeah, yeah. So that becomes a goal, and it becomes more novelty, and you become just like this thing.

Speaker 3 18:51

I'm already in that. I have just moved into my head, and I'm like, this is anti-fun. Right. Like, this is not what I want.

Speaker 1 19:03

And I brought that up because that is the goal orientation piece that people can get lost in as opposed to like paying attention to your partner and what they really want, and are they enjoying it? So I will tell you, like, for me, and I I hope for others, like I get a lot of enjoyment out of sex and play when I'm bringing pleasure to other people. Not my selfish needs of I need to make somebody squirt, but like it makes it a lot better for me to know that like I have a lot more pleasure in things knowing that I'm giving pleasure.

Speaker 3 19:33

Well, I would say this too because I felt like I was checking in with my partner, play partner. Yeah, and I don't think he was having enjoyment from what he was doing. I know. And I'm like, what are you why are you doing that? Yeah, I'm not having a great time, you're not having a great time, why is it occurring? Right. Yeah, right. But I also want to bring this up. Just I like examples. Yeah. Um, and just to represent the ladies with blowjobs. Um may not want to just go after it the way you have seen it on porn, or maybe like your partner prefers it, like checking in. Are you getting some good sounds from your partner? Or are you just attacking it? Coming out at it like a badger. Like, um, maybe some people that, but like uh, I'm stuck on badger now. I didn't say beaver, but a rabid beaver on the Oh my gosh, rabid beaver. Um, like checking in, like maybe your partner likes more suction and the your spouse likes more suction, or your your play partner's not really doing it for them. Like, pay attention to that and not just go like all game busters and and the your play partner's like, yeah, no, there's not a bad blowjob, right? Supposedly.

Speaker 1 20:59

Only blowjob is better than no blowjob.

Speaker 3 21:01

That's really okay.

Speaker 1 21:02

Yeah, that's the word I've heard.

Speaker 3 21:04

Um it's like still, are they like checking their email? They are they looking their thumbs? Are they like um just let me know when you're done? Do they look scared? That's what I'm saying. That's not great. Like, change it up a little. Pay attention, tune in, tune into your partner.

Speaker 1 21:22

That's good. Um let's see. So your

Nervous System Safety And Breath

Speaker 1 21:26

nervous system came into the playroom with you, too. So that's a thing, right? Like, we don't, we're just not robotics, we're not robots. Um our nervous system is on all ends of the spectrum, and you gotta be paying attention to that. I think that's the piece of yourself.

Speaker 3 21:44

Constantly scanning, making sure you're safe.

Speaker 1 21:46

I love that. Absolutely. Am I safe? Am I wanted? Do I belong here? Can I relax? Like all of that stuff is going on in our bodies, and we've got to be conscious of that because again, what we want to have a good time. Yeah.

Speaker 3 21:59

And Not again disconnect from that because you're trying to accomplish a goal or whatever it is. Yeah, absolutely. Or or please, or you think you're pleasing the people based on a conversation you had earlier.

Speaker 1 22:15

And I think it's important, right? Because I think this resonates with me because safe isn't necessarily mean physically safe, because you can be totally physically safe. Someone can be physically safe, intellectually want a thing, and their nervous system is saying, like, holy shit, this is a lot, you're in danger. Like your nervous system is trying to take care of you. You may want to be a hundred percent there, you may want everything going on, but your nervous system is there and saying, uh, this is not right, this is not normal, I'm feeling a little bit, you know, triggered or whatever. And you've got to be a little bit cognizant of that too. I think that's where like Trinity said it earlier, and I absolutely love it. It works for me, is the breath work. Like, bring your breath into this to bring your body to states of calm, enjoyment, all of that thing, all of that, but you gotta notice where you're at.

Speaker 3 23:08

Yeah, yeah, very that's very well said. I think that's really important. Yeah, we don't want to discount that.

Speaker 1 23:14

Absolutely, because I think part of that too is back to men and being flaccid and an experience. Like, yeah, you want to be there. Yeah, this looks like fun. Your body has its own methods of controlling you and keeping you safe. So, you know, that's just a thing that's going on, and just noticing that, noticing it's real, noticing that it's a thing in life, and then you know, trying to work through breath work and um noticing where your heart rate is and all that kind of stuff can help you in those moments.

Speaker 3 23:45

And uh for me, I come back to where's your mind, like mindset shift, maybe performance into fun. Yeah, or whatever it is. For me, that's what it is.

Speaker 1 23:56

So I think I would say here, you know, for guys, flaccid, all that stuff. Like I we listened to several podcasts, and one was um casual swingers. I really like this one because they were interviewing like this porn star, and it's like, well, what happens on a set? Like if you yeah, sure, they take a lot of drugs and all this stuff, but I think when they were talking to this guy, he didn't necessarily use any ED kind of stuff. Um, he talked about having a sugar in his system, so you have like stickers bar. But what he said was interesting, which was you know, sometimes if your dick is not getting hard, not showing up, like sometimes you pull yourself away from that environment and put your pants back on. Like if their bodies, yeah, that safety that's looking for. And I'm like, holy shit, like that sounds really I don't know what what that would look like all the time in practicality, but I think the whole thing about that is is like slow the body down. Yep.

Speaker 3 24:51

I mean put a put a pillow or a towel over nice and warm and take the um your cock is a person too. The attention and focus off that.

Speaker 1 25:01

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So I thought that was good. And I really think that plays into the attumment piece, knowing where you're at and taking care of your body. Yeah. Because it doesn't mean you're out for the game, it just means hey, I need to take uh I'm gonna go sit on the bench for a minute. And maybe it's just putting your pants back on for real and watching the excitement going on in the room. The next thing you know, everybody's ready to go back in the game.

Speaker 3 25:20

You mentioned the thing about the candy bar, and we talked about the nervous system. So I can't I can't not say something here. Um is that our blood sugar is tied into our nervous system. Like our nervous system, our body needs to pay attention to our blood sugar. So if something shifts and changes, we'll get a dip in our blood sugar, which is like we need to I like that good fuel. Yeah, yeah. The sugar, right? The quickest way to tweak your blood sugar, I mean your your mood. Um, what's your blood sugar doing? Yeah, yeah. But anyway, fact. Okay.

Speaker 1 25:54

All right. So attunement

Using Attunement To Amplify Pleasure

Speaker 1 25:55

then isn't just about preventing bad experiences. We often talk about these through the lens of like safety, consent, but also, I think we hinted at it earlier, it makes sex better. Oh my gosh, so much better. Right. I think when when someone's attuned to you, they notice that a specific touch changed how you're breathing.

Speaker 3 26:21

I love just love what you did there with your with your body.

Speaker 1 26:24

Oh, you get a little tingly.

Speaker 3 26:26

I speak with my hands and I kind of I was like, oh I like that.

Speaker 1 26:31

Um, that the person has moved towards you that you relax, that you wanted more. You know, something that I just did or something that I just did lit you up.

Speaker 3 26:45

Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 26:45

And that I think is also the attunement. It's not about did I do something wrong all the time? Yeah. It's also about what am I doing right? So that I can give you more of that.

Speaker 3 26:54

Kind of I and and and when we are having time together, yeah. Like I think of these as like little micro experiments that I'm doing. Like I'm touching you, I'm touching you how I want to touch you. Um, and then I'm like, oh, we call it workshopping all the time. Sure. But I'm taking like, and this is really unsexy to some and really sexy to others to others, especially a friend of ours. Um, data points. Like, oh, I'm like, okay, that's a yes and that's a no, based off in that moment.

Speaker 2 27:29

In that moment.

Speaker 3 27:30

In that moment or in that play session. Oh, like you, like you liked that.

Speaker 1 27:36

So I did this.

Speaker 3 27:37

Yeah, so I'm gonna do that a little more, how I build on that a little bit.

Speaker 1 27:40

Yeah, I like that. And I think you know, even yeah, just you and your you and your partner, who obviously and well, hopefully have sex more often than just with other people, like it's also having conversations around that. Like, hey, I noticed when I did this, you really liked it. I was like, Yes, and then don't be surprised if you do it the next time and don't get the same reaction.

Speaker 3 28:01

Your your body is in a different state. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 28:03

I think that's where I would come back to what makes a great lover, and they're not the people that know the most techniques, it's the ones that are attuned the most to their play partners, the one who are really paying attention to the people that they're with. Like, hey, I'm not gonna, I have a really great dick and it's this shape and it does this thing, and everyone's gonna love that. Because guess what? Not everyone's gonna love that.

Speaker 3 28:29

Yeah, you have a you have a tool, and uh I I've heard people say this, but do you know how to use your tool? Right, and your biggest, most impressive tool is your brain slash body, right? Absolutely.

Speaker 1 28:41

So I still think it's like you may know how to use your tool, and that how you do that with like eight out of ten people is great, but ninth and tenth person are like, no, that doesn't work for me. And are you paying attention to that?

Speaker 3 28:55

Yeah, yeah. And also, I like to ask, like, do you want to be a great lover? Because if you're like, no, I'm just it there to get it.

Speaker 29:04

I'm just in hit it and quit.

Speaker 3 29:05

Then okay, fast forward to another.

Speaker 1 29:09

I don't know. It's like there's no fast forward. Like, do you wish you could know that ahead of time? Because it's like I feel like okay, then you go to jail, don't pass go, we're we're done.

Speaker 3 29:19

I'm gonna help you, guys and ladies, help you be better.

Attunement In Group Play

Speaker 1 29:25

Yeah, and then the lifestyle I think complicates a little more because you're not just necessarily tuning to two people, so you're now attuning to like three, four, or more.

Speaker 3 29:35

Who's ever showing up? That's right.

Speaker 1 29:37

Yeah, and I think this is the one thing we've talked with several times with ourselves is are you are you aware of your spouse, partner, whatever's going on with them while you're connecting or playing with somebody else?

Speaker 3 29:51

And their partner as well. Because if there's something right, it's like, whoa, I'm picking up something. Yeah, do we just slow things down and sh pause and check in? How are things right?

Speaker 1 30:03

Yeah. And I I think that's to me, I think that's where me personally, like that's where I have struggled the most with my nervous system, is because you know, you want to be there, you want to have fun, you want to make sure that your play partner is having fun. And you also really need to be watching your partner and what's going on with them. So it's a lot to juggle. And I think for us, like that's where we've had better experiences, I think, with at least one couple that we a couple times, like as you have more experiences with the same people, like you also create a more safer space where you don't necessarily need to watch everything because you know that yeah, some kind of groundwork has been laid, at least for us.

Speaker 3 30:48

Like we like the um a little a little more we like friends with familiar familiarity and comfort, yeah. Um it enriches our time, I think.

Speaker 1 30:59

Yeah. And then, like, you know, when you're in the group, just because you're having fun is everybody else having fun, like it's being it's paying attention to that stuff.

Speaker 3 31:08

And it's it doesn't mean like you're responsible to make sure everyone's having a great time. That's not it at all. It is, are you paying at you picking up on cues? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 31:21

And I will say this, right? That is my biggest thing in life, whether it's in lifestyle or not. Like Trinity and I have this conversation on all the time. For me, it's like what drives me the most nuts is people that can't read the room. Like, read the room, look around and see what's going on. Like somebody's freaking out or somebody's pulling away. Notice that.

Speaker 3 31:44

Yeah.

Speaker 1 31:44

Notice that. Yeah. Right.

Speaker 3 31:46

And it seems so obvious. Um often sometimes we're so unaware because we're one-tracked mind or something. And then we do, we feel kind of shameful about it later. Like, I did not notice that. How did I miss that?

Speaker 2 32:02

Right.

Speaker 3 32:02

It's like, it's okay. Um, it's just expanding your expanding your awareness for what's going on in the room. Yeah. Picking up on cues, yes.

Speaker 1 32:11

Yeah, you know, and then admittedly for me, it's like that's probably where my nervous system is, anyways. Like, I probably go overboard with that.

Speaker 3 32:19

You you're you're, I think, a little more vigilant on the monitoring of that. Yeah. Sometimes I'm like, I saw that too, and didn't think anything. Yeah, like that's not a thing.

Speaker 1 32:30

Yeah.

Speaker 3 32:30

Um, and that's right. We're just different with that. But also tracking something.

Speaker 1 32:35

Yeah. But I also think that's kind of where I highlighted earlier, like seeing what's going on in the room. And if you see something that you're like, oh, I don't know if you know, somebody's having a good time. I don't know if that's okay. Like, that's where your words also come in, right? Um, and it doesn't have to be anything that that ruins the mood. It could be like, hey, are you enjoying that? You know, do you like that? Do you want more of that kind of stuff? As opposed to like, are you okay? You know, so can keep a mood flowing without breaking up.

Speaker 3 33:10

Yeah, are you okay? I think I personally have a hard time when I'm asked that because my brain is gonna say yes, even if like I'm like, yeah, this really sucks. Um, or this is like, all right. Um, I'm gonna say, yeah, I'm okay because I'm not physically dying. I'm not dying. I'm not bleeding out my eyes. All the programming that we get, it's like, you're okay, you're okay, you're okay, you're okay. It's like, yeah, I guess I am okay. Like, even though I'm like, eh, I don't love it, right? But I'm okay.

Speaker 1 33:46

Yep, absolutely. I'm okay. It's kind of like I'm fine. No, I'm fine. Right. Um, let's see, and then again we talked about like one of the biggest failures could be just ignoring yourself and what's going on in your body, right? Um your body might be saying things like, Hey, I'm done. Your body might be saying, Hey, I'm overwhelmed, I'm jealous, I'm uncomfortable.

Speaker 3 34:16

Yeah. I'm I'm absolutely guilty. And even our last um experience, absolutely, I was thinking, I this is not great, or this doesn't feel so great. Right. But immediately just based off of like our interactions with our single meal.

Speaker 2 34:38

Yeah.

Speaker 3 34:38

Um, I'm thinking fragile, fragile ego. And I'm like, I'm gonna say something, and yeah, like it's my job to make sure that he feels okay, which is complete bullshit. It's everything that I'm working really hard not to do, but immediately I'm like, oh, I have to take care of him.

Speaker 1 35:01

Right.

Speaker 3 35:02

And like, well, this is my body.

Speaker 1 35:04

Absolutely. Yeah. And then there's a programming still of like, I don't want to be the person that ruins the night, right? Like it's it's not great. Like, I can, it's okay. Like, I can deal with this. It's like that's not why we're here. We're not here to deal with this.

Speaker 3 35:20

Because sometimes it's like, hey, I this isn't great, but it's gonna be over in like five seconds, and we'll be on to something new, right? Honestly, like, yep. That's not bad, right? Sometimes it's like, oh gosh, like this is not ending.

Speaker 1 35:33

Yeah, and I think with the experience from um the other night was more like multiple instances of that.

Speaker 3 35:42

Yeah, but it was at a very like the intensity, it was just from zero to a hundred. Yeah, we'd just go, and it was like I was being jackhammered for I don't even know how long. And I was like, I think I stood up to get a sip of water and it was like go time again. I was like, uh shit.

Speaker 1 35:59

Yeah.

Speaker 3 36:00

I no, yeah, no thanks.

Speaker 1 36:03

Right. So that was some of the stuff that we've we can I'll say we continuously learn through all of this, right? Even with the checklist. The checklist is good, it's conversation.

Speaker 3 36:12

Um we're never gonna not have things a thing. Like we just it's realistic of like, hmm, yeah, what could have made that better?

Speaker 1 36:20

And I think that's important to know this is and just talk about still. We and we've said it before, but you know, you're gonna have some bad experiences. You're gonna have some great experiences. When you have some bad things, I don't know if bad's the right word. Um, but if you have things that you don't like happen, disappointing, maybe give yourself grace, give your play partner grace too. But like, how do we how do we work that into making it better the next time so that hey, I feel more comfortable saying something, yeah. It doesn't ruin the night, it lands good for everybody, and we laugh and we move on.

Speaker 3 36:58

Yeah, we're not like totally stuck in that, spiraling. And and if slash when we um play with this person again, uh we've already talked about having those conversations kind of a revamping of hey, last time got a little quick fine-ish was good enough. Um was good enough. Um, I wouldn't even say that.

Speaker 1 37:26

But like it was it was bearable.

Speaker 3 37:28

It was a thing, it was something I don't want to repeat. So hey, going or like, hey, this time we would like to um XYZ.

Speaker 1 37:38

Yeah, yeah. And so I would say finally know yourself, know what's good what's going on in your body, learn how to use your voice, and then really attunement also means that your um experience and how you feel belongs in the room. So you're not taking up space because you're taking care of yourself. Think about that. And I think you know, for most of us in this world, like we really do want to know you're running if you're struggling with something. We really want to know if you're really enjoying something, and it's really all about I think being comfortable saying things. Um, that was another thing. It was like super quiet.

Speaker 3 38:18

Yeah. It was it was. I was like, does this is this person even into me?

Speaker 1 38:25

Yes, but it felt like a it felt more that whole thing felt more like goal very goal-oriented. That's what I was thinking about.

Speaker 3 38:34

I did it feel desired, I didn't feel it was just like I have no idea. And I do want to at least at some point um in our conversation talk about uh arousal. Sure.

Speaker 1 38:53

Yeah, let well what I want to, I think I kind of want to start to wrap this one up and then we'll talk a little bit about the experience itself and then tie some of the stuff back into that.

Speaker 3 39:02

Sounds

The Three Way Check Tool

Speaker 3 39:03

sweet.

Speaker 1 39:03

Is that good? All right, so you know, some practical tools for things like this is the three-way check, which is like me, you, us, me. What is happening in my body at this time? Am I relaxed? Am I excited? Am I tense? Am I nervous? You what's happening with the person I'm engaging with, right? What am I noticing? Has anything shifted? Are they enjoying this? Do they seem to be pulling away? And then us is like, what's happening between us? Does this feel mutual? Does this feel connected? Are we are we both there together, or is it just has it just become me like going after a goal? Yeah, um rush, easy, awkward, playful. Like we really like playful for us, but I think also like there becomes a thing about the the orgasm always being the goal. That's not the goal, at least for us. That's not the goal.

Speaker 3 39:57

The goal is feeling amazing orgasms like any other time.

Speaker 1 40:02

Like slowly, right?

Speaker 3 40:04

If it happens, it happens.

Speaker 1 40:05

Yep, but it's fun, playful. Does this feel good? Am I having a good time? That kind of stuff. So, so you know, just some check-ins for yourself that you can kind of um use throughout the night to make your experiences and your play partners' experiences better. So for us, I think how how can you tell Trinity um when I'm getting overwhelmed? Are there things that you notice?

Speaker 3 40:31

Um, you have certain, like if you're there's language involved, you have certain things that you say. Um I'm like yeah, I can tell. Like you have these like kind of like phrases that you say, and I'm like, oh, those are your warning signs. I'm like, oh yeah, I know what that is. That's that's not good. Yeah, okay. Um during play, um yeah, if if I pick up that you're kind of you're moving quickly, like even your eyes kind of kind of like they kind of uh I'm like uh oh, like he's moving quickly. If he's moving quickly, he's probably a little anxious or stressed. Um yeah, those just briefly that what comes to mind. There might be some others.

Speaker 1 41:24

And then for me, like noticing you when I I think I will say that I struggle some with some of that, the facial expressions, the because for me when Trinity, when you are like really enjoying yourself, your face could also be this similar to when you're uh pain in agony. Right.

Speaker 3 41:48

But I think so it doesn't look good.

Speaker 1 41:51

Yeah, it does look good, but you're like, Am I reading that wrong? So I I I will say that you know I struggle with that, but I'm also like hyper focused on that too, where I want to ask questions sometimes, like, hey, is everything okay? Blah blah blah, but I also don't want to ruin the moment. And that's some of the stuff that I think we're still we're still finding our way at, but like the other night was some of that. Like I think, but I also think there's you trying to say, like, yeah, I'm okay, this is fine. And it's not really.

Speaker 3 42:21

Um like, even I think in that, if you were to even I don't I I would I personally wouldn't mind you asking something, but something along the lines of um do you want to do something else?

Speaker 1 42:35

Right. Yeah, that's that's good. But I think that's also the the piece of attumment can be a challenge, and then it gets more challenging when you have more people in there.

Speaker 3 42:47

So but also I think in that in like the experience, like if you wanted something else too, it's okay. Even if you think that I might be fine, yeah, that's okay. Because we're not that's not us that we're interrupting you and I were interrupting a play experience with another um dynamics. Yeah, like it's okay.

Speaker 43:10

Right. Okay.

Speaker 3 43:12

But I did I was checking in with you, like eye contact if that was helpful.

Speaker 1 43:18

Yeah, I was when I could see you. When you could see me. I think we did a good job of staying connected, but I don't think I think we were both miserable.

Speaker 3 43:27

We were connected, but both like I wouldn't say miserable, but like disappointed.

Speaker 1 43:32

Like what's like what's going on?

Speaker 3 43:34

Disappointed and like what yeah.

Speaker 1 43:36

Well, I I'll when we come back, I want to wrap this segment up. When we come back, we'll talk about the experience and then you can kind of see where or is it kind of see where you know things were a little awkward with this one. Um, so really closing thought on this one the the lifestyle gives us opportunities for really incredible fun experiences with other people.

Speaker 2 43:57

Yeah.

Speaker 1 43:58

Um, yeah, more bodies, more freedom. Freedom, more possibilities. Um, it also asks more of us, right? Like you, you and your partner, depending on where you're at, like you may have been together for a long time. Trinity and I are just about 28 years. We're 28 years together. Um, so we know each other very well. You're in an environment where you're playing with new people, you you haven't known them for 28 years and know all of the things. Yes, yeah. So attunement is really important there. It's watching people's body language, facial expressions, all of that, using your words in there too. And then can you stay connected to yourself? Stay curious about yourself in that moment. Do I like this? Does this feel good? I've never done this before. Would I like to try that? That kind of stuff. And then paying attention to what's happening between us, you and your play partner, you and your real partner, all of that, and not just focused on what happens next and what does the script say we got to do next, all of that stuff. Because ultimately, I like to think we're all in it to have a great time. Yeah. And not follow because scripts are mundane, anyways.

Speaker 3 45:04

We're having a great time. Chances are we'll re have repeats.

Speaker 1 45:08

Absolutely. And that's what we like because I think it gets better with the repeats. Okay, so we will close this segment up on the two minute. We will be back in just a minute, and we'll talk a little bit about our experience Friday night with the single guy, and then you know, some of the things that we learned from that. So we'll be right back. I'm Neo. And I'm Trinity. See you in a minute. Okay, and we're back. So, like

Finding Screening And Meeting Single Guys

Speaker 1 45:35

I said, we're gonna talk a little bit about our experience Friday night. Um, single guy adventures, which you know, we we've talked about four, we like.

Speaker 3 45:44

Um, I want to ask like uh because I know you you do all of the online stuff. The betting. Where where do you find uh single guys?

Speaker 1 45:58

So I don't know. I think all of these have been on um all of the luck that I've had in our area with single guys so far have been through SLS. Um in our area of the country, that's where between Cassidy and SLS, that's where most people are. Uh single guys, I found less on Cassidy and more on SLS, so that's where I met um that's where I met this guy.

Speaker 3 46:27

Okay.

Speaker 1 46:28

Um and also introduced him to Cassidy, and now he's on there as well, so you you know, whatever, but that's where I found most of the single guys is there. And I remember initially when single guys started reaching out to us directly, I'm like, get the hell away. But anyway, so I met him on SLS, and what I would normally do, anyways, is I kind of have a conversation with a person, like, hey, who are you, whatever you're interested, we're interested, maybe show Trinity some of the chat, show Trinity, some of the pictures. And if all is uh okay, yes, maybe whatever, then I will typically move things over to Telegram and bring us all into a chat. So that's kind of how that happened with with this guy. Um and then we met him on we met him on um I don't know, is it like a Saturday morning for coffee, which was a first?

Speaker 3 47:23

Yeah. Well just based off our all everyone's availability. Yep. Yeah, because life is busy. We're trying to coordinate and yeah, have a meetup where we're just like, hey, three or two sets of people that don't know each other and we're gonna talk about sex.

Speaker 1 47:42

Yeah, so we met him um somewhere in between where we all live and tied up.

Speaker 3 47:48

We try to make it convenient or as much as we can, just kind of reasonable.

Speaker 1 47:53

And just had a good conversation, seemed like a nice guy. He was experienced in lifestyle, sometimes um travels and plays with a um frequent play partner, like they go off together as a couple and do things, and then he does single stuff, all that. Um, but seemed very nice, um, looked good, right? Yeah.

Speaker 3 48:12

So there's nothing like offing. There were like I didn't there wasn't anything, yeah. Like conversation was pretty easy.

Speaker 1 48:22

Conversation flow.

Speaker 3 48:23

Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 48:24

So um we had stayed chatting on, you know, because then we had things going on. We went to Naughty, all the stuff. So we had probably about six weeks of just a little bit of chatting here and there.

Speaker 3 48:35

Yeah, just to kind of keep it alive, yeah, not let it die out. Yeah. Because that's a it's like, how much do you do that?

Speaker 1 48:42

Absolutely. And I'll say, like, it's a it's a it is a struggle sometimes for us because me, I am an online chatter. Like, I'll I will chat. Like you hit me up, we have a little bit of a connection, I'll chat all day. Like, I don't care. Trinity is like, uh, no, I want to talk in person. Like, chatting is a drain. I don't know these people anyways, like it's hard work.

Speaker 3 49:02

But also, no, there's people that like to do the online chatting, and then you meet them in person and you're like, Hell no. Uh no, just like you can't carry a conversation. Right. Like, so why am I gonna waste my time with something that's not real? Yep.

Speaker 1 49:14

So well, that's kind of how it went. So we had a little bit of chatting. Uh Trinity did the best that she can in in participating, right? Like based on who you are.

Speaker 3 49:25

Like in real life? Yeah. Oh, I mean in the chat. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 49:27

In Telegram.

Speaker 3 49:28

Yeah, right. Yeah. Because some of the stuff's like, it doesn't need my input. Like you already you're talking about plans. What am I supposed to say? Yes, that sounds crazy.

Speaker 1 49:36

As a guy, I also wanted to hear from Wendell.

Speaker 3 49:39

No, you want to make sure the the she or the other person is still they're interested somewhat, yeah.

Speaker 1 49:46

So, anyways, we had conversations with him. Then we um got something scheduled, uh, made sure our schedules aligned. That's the hardest part, I think, in all of this is aligning schedules. We probably got this scheduled like two, three weeks in advance.

Speaker 3 50:02

Uh, I think it was before we went to Naughty.

Speaker 1 50:04

Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 3 50:05

And then we just kind of circled back recently, like, hey, are we still good? Like, yep, everyone's still good.

Speaker 1 50:10

Yep, so hey, maybe we'll yeah, and then maybe we'll meet at a bar, and then if we're feeling it, go back to hotel. So I got the hotel room. Um, I have done that several times. Can't wait till the single guy picks up the hotel room. That's gonna happen. Yeah, because I think for us, like, I also want to I want to make sure that the single guys we engage with also recognize that we know that they are a person too. I don't, I'm not like, hey, get us a room, come do a thing, and then get the hell out. So, you know, part of this is for us. So I'm definitely gonna pick up a room here and there. Yeah. That gotta do a little bit cautionary.

Speaker 3 50:44

Treat treat the single guys humanely.

Speaker 1 50:46

Yeah. So we got hotel. Um actually saw that they had a restaurant bar there, so said, you know, let's just meet at the bar downstairs, and then if we we're failing it, we'll move upstairs. Um, so that's basically what happened. He got there, we got drinks, and the bar area was like really weird.

Speaker 3 51:04

So we're like I mean, it was a it was a hotel bar.

Speaker 1 51:07

It was super lit, super dead, all this stuff.

Speaker 3 51:09

So it was great if you it was quiet so you could have conversation, but it was also quiet so everyone could hear your conversation. Right. Um exactly. It just needed a little more life. So we just we just moved, yeah, moved to the moved upstairs to the room.

Speaker 1 51:25

Yeah, we're just like, hey, if you're comfortable, just go upstairs. Cause I when I when we go, I get suites, right? So I get the two rooms. So you have a couch and area that we can just sit and chat and whatever.

Speaker 3 51:35

No pressure. Yeah, there's not a bed staring at you.

Speaker 1 51:38

Right. You're not just all sitting on the bed. So we got upstairs, got you know, had brought our drinks up there, um, had some conversation, was flowing, it was good. Um, got into some, you know, conversation about I think really the icebreaker was your list.

Speaker 3 51:54

My list, yeah, my um boundaries list that I have. Yep.

Speaker 1 52:00

Yep. So we started talking about that. Uh he started asking about, hey, so you know, what do you like? What do you what makes you feel good? Whatever. And we started talking about what kind of touch do you like?

Speaker 3 52:11

Where do you like to be touched?

Speaker 1 52:13

So he started touching you.

Speaker 3 52:15

Um, like kissing me on the neck.

Speaker 1 52:19

Yeah.

Speaker 3 52:21

Um, and then kissing. Because then I asked, like, he asked.

Speaker 1 52:24

Oh, that's right. He asked. He said, Do you like kissing? And you're like, Yeah.

Speaker 3 52:27

No, I asked if he liked it. But it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 52:30

But um, but he looked at me and he was like, Hey, is that okay with you? If and I'm like, hell yeah, because kissing for us, like, that's a I don't know how you play without kissing. I don't know. We're not that.

Speaker 3 52:40

Yeah, good luck.

Speaker 1 52:41

Yeah.

Speaker 3 52:41

Um, yeah. So we just kind of we actually that's how everything ignited was that. Um, we had brought some a card, a couple card decks, the lifestyle game, um, one's conversation, get to know each other, and the other one's kind of spicy, get stuff going, transition. Yeah, and uh this really cool um Jenga, uh naughty Jenga game. Yeah, so much fun. Um, we brought those, and looking back, I think it might have been good to have done that, but I was like, hey, let's have this conversations before we start the games, but we bypassed the games.

Speaker 1 53:19

Well, yeah, but I think I asked, like, hey, so do we want to play some cards or something? And I think you were like, I don't know that we need to.

Speaker 3 53:25

No, I said like let's talk about boundaries first, let's do the checklists first.

Speaker 1 53:29

Because I didn't want to be like you didn't want to play the you weren't sure we needed to. That's kind of what I read, but uh yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 53:36

Yeah.

Speaker 1 53:37

So that's good.

Speaker 3 53:38

Yeah, I've yeah, definitely not. And what then we were on the couch.

Speaker 1 53:44

Yeah, we're well, we were still on the couch with all of this, right?

Speaker 3 53:46

Yes, ugly, not ugly, but outdoor furniture, yeah, which we did not set up. We set the room up like um ahead of time, um, but the waterproof blanket, you know, actually turn down the comforter because gross, get those off. Get comforter down, get the hotel comforter, um, put the water blanket down, kind of set the mood, the lighting, music, whatever.

The Night Things Rushed Too Fast

Speaker 1 54:13

Um but the so um the gentleman was making out with Trinity, uh rubbing her legs, getting to her pussy, rubbing that a little uh no, let me explain this because okay, I fast forwarded it. Like I'm I didn't go near it by me.

Speaker 3 54:33

Like making out with me and then like immediately fingering me. But it he probably okay, but he probably rubbed you for 30 seconds or something, and then I don't maybe I don't remember that, but there was just like entry way too soon.

Speaker 1 54:49

Right, like and part of the checklist my body was not ready for that. Part of the checklist too was like, hey, I do need lube, right? Like yeah, so yeah, it was that was a thing, yeah.

Speaker 3 55:03

Yeah, I I I was just thinking, how are your fingers even going in?

Speaker 1 55:07

Right.

Speaker 3 55:07

Like I felt like he was having trouble even gaining entry. Like from me, I could feel that. I'm like, oh if I'm feeling that, I know he's feeling that because I know my body. Yeah, but going back to attunement. Yep. Hey, I don't think she's ready.

Speaker 55:28

Okay, she's not ready. So you keep going.

Speaker 3 55:31

Anyway, so um um some of that kissing and then him fingering me, and I'm rubbing his arms, like um his chest, maybe I don't even know. Like he's still fully clothed.

Speaker 1 55:45

You were rubbing him, his leg, his arm. Yeah, he was clothed.

Speaker 3 55:49

He went to take he was pulling my panties off, and I'm wearing a strapless like summer dress. So I was like, you know what, let me just rip this off.

Speaker 1 55:58

Yeah, yeah, and I saw that, and I'm thinking, you know, this is getting started, this is good, but the sh was like outdoor furniture, the covering on it.

Speaker 3 56:09

I'm like, you hadn't put anything down, right?

Speaker 1 56:10

So I'm like, you guys, let's just go to the bedroom. Let's go to the bedroom more comfortable, right? So great idea. Let's shift in there so we're not on this burlap sack kind of whatever that was couch stuff. Yeah, burlap. So we moved in there, and I think that's like you said, we were talking a little bit about this earlier, like maybe that was part of the shift.

Speaker 3 56:29

I think, yeah, that I think maybe there was some interpretation on his part, or I don't I don't know. I can't even I can't begin to guess.

Speaker 2 56:39

Yeah.

Speaker 3 56:39

Um which for me, all I did was move from one room to the other. Yep. So we uh end up going into the bedroom, and I think you were gonna grab a drink of water and go to the bathroom. Um and I'm I'm already buck-ass naked. Um and then he immediately gets naked too, and I'm laying, I just kind of slide on my side on the bed, like, okay, we're gonna just continue like making out and touching bodies and warming up. That's what I was kind of thinking, because that's what I like to do. And we he cut we started that for a split second. He came onto the bed. I I think I touched his arms for a second, and then he slid off the bed and was doing something else. And the whole time I'm like, oh my things are starting. Like things are starting.

Speaker 1 57:37

Yeah, so that was like two minutes of foreplay or something total.

Speaker 3 57:41

Maybe.

Speaker 1 57:41

Yeah, I don't even I wouldn't even need a build up.

Speaker 3 57:44

I mean, including out on the couch, right?

Speaker 1 57:47

Absolutely on the couch.

Speaker 3 57:48

I think that was it was like some kissing on my neck, definitely the fingers in in my pussy, like that weren't ready, and then in the bed. In the bed too. And like showtime.

Speaker 1 58:01

I remember, you know, grabbing a quick drink of water, going to the bathroom really quick, coming into the room, and I think, you know, at some point he starts going down on you. I grabbed my phone, um, because we already talked about it. I like to video some of the stuff so we can watch later. Yeah, so I grabbed my phone, I started videoing him like he had just started going down on you. I started a video, and like 10 seconds later, he pops up and starts putting a condom on. I'm like, done. You went down on her for like 10 seconds. Like, that's that's it. Like, yeah, personally, I I like being down there for no, I'm not gonna be down there for 30 minutes, but I could be down there for hours. Like, I love that, and most women enjoy that. A little longer, yes, a lot longer. Yeah, especially like overall, because foreplay, like get the body into that zone. Yeah, and there wasn't.

Speaker 3 58:57

Yeah, and the entire time I'm like like this is close off and join us because it's just heat, it's just me and my play partner, yeah. The third person, right? And I'm like, where's the uh my my partner, my husband? I want you to but you we like in the past so fast, like me and this other person kind of kick things off and you join, and it's like three of us on the bed and just flowing.

Speaker 1 59:23

I didn't even have time, like you're like, get your clothes off. I'm like, Yeah, well, I didn't even have time. Like, next thing you know, he like he's about to fuck you, and I'm like, Yes, it was so quick, and I'm just like, wait, wait, what?

Speaker 3 59:35

Yeah, wait, where are you?

Speaker 1 59:37

Right, yeah, right, and I think I'm wondering, where am I too? Like, why is this happening so fast? This was happening at the speed of light.

Speaker 3 59:45

At the speed of light, yeah.

Speaker 1 59:47

So, anyways, I think a lot of that, you know, the good thing was, the one good thing it was, maybe there's more, but you know, I did get some good video, whatever. But the some of the it seemed like there was some times where you're having a good time, but the good thing was he didn't ever ask, hey, what do you want? Because he Yeah, we had already talked about that. We don't talk about that. I don't want you to ask me what I want. So he moved you around, did other positions, blah blah blah, all of the stuff, but always had to come back to hey I need more lube. Hey, any more lube. And really the reality of that is like my body never your body never had a chance to warm up anyway. So now you need like a gallon of lube.

Speaker 3 1:00:30

Yeah, and like he was really good with that. Like he could, I think he could tell, and then I would tell him and we'd pause for a second. But yeah.

Speaker 1 1:00:38

And there was some I think you know, there were some uh times where you were enjoying it, but m but a lot of it too was like hammering away.

Speaker 3 1:00:46

Yeah, it was okay, it was okay. Like I was kissing. I mean, I'm just like I'm and then like very forefront of my mind is where are you? I want to incorporate you. We have like we've done that.

Speaker 1 1:00:57

We like that, yeah.

Speaker 3 1:00:58

And and I'm grab, I'm gonna be able to do that. And we talked about that too.

Speaker 1 1:01:00

Like touching our I play. I watch and I play.

Speaker 3 1:01:03

Yeah.

Speaker 1 1:01:03

I watch and I join. Join. Yeah. Yeah. Like the three. And we were trying. Yeah. Um we were kissing, but you were like smashed into the bed a lot. So it was hard to yeah.

Speaker 3 1:01:16

And then we mentioned um earlier just the then he was trying to make you squirt, I think. Jackhammering of the Yeah, like immediate jackhammer. There wasn't also like a gentle build-up. It was just like immediately in there, like, and I mean jackhammer, like hitting like knuckles hitting my pubic bone or something. And I was like, oh, and the angle, right? The angle was a big deal. Um, I think the angles probably added to the problem.

Speaker 1 1:01:49

But I I think mostly it was it was the jackhammering and the dryness and all of that together, and him just trying to make you square. Like that was really it. Because then you're like, you said at one point, you're like, um, you know, basically Neo show you how to do that. I felt like something like that. I'm like, oh.

Speaker 3 1:02:11

Yeah, like, um but that was he knows me right well.

Speaker 1 1:02:16

And and you know, I think there was a time where he then slowed down with his fingers.

Speaker 3 1:02:21

Because I said it, okay, like actually you're kneeling next to me, or you're standing, you're probably standing next to me.

Speaker 1 1:02:28

I was kneeling next to you.

Speaker 3 1:02:30

And you were looking at me like, what the like are you are you okay? I don't like the way he's doing that to you.

Speaker 1 1:02:38

It's like I know that you don't like if I did this, you would not like it.

Speaker 3 1:02:41

Yeah, you would you your face was like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 1:02:44

Are you gonna say something? When are you gonna say something?

Speaker 3 1:02:46

And I just looked at you for a second and I'm like, you're right. But also it goes into the how do I tell this guy that is I don't really like that. Um, and I'm trying to think, like, how do I reframe that? Like, you know, what I would really like instead is, and I'm like, what I would really like instead is for you to stop doing that. Yeah, I was like, I can't offer anything except can you slow down and do that softer? So I said that, and he kind of he did, and it still didn't feel great, right?

Speaker 1 1:03:18

Because the angle was still wrong, and then you said it again, and I think he'd slow down, and I started, I think, rubbing from the other side. I started rubbing your clit and you know, softly around that area, and I think that felt good. He was going slower, um, and then you could kind of feel then he started picking up the pace again. Started picking up the pace again, which I'm like, fuck, dude. And I think he stepped aside or something, maybe, got it, was getting a drink, was doing something. So I came around and I was using my fingers, and the juices then were starting to flow because I know how to do this with you.

Speaker 3 1:04:00

Yeah.

Speaker 1 1:04:00

And I think at least from my what I recommend, what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 1:04:04

Because he wasn't touching my clit at all. No, he was just in the vagina.

Speaker 1 1:04:09

Yeah.

Speaker 3 1:04:09

Or no fatigue.

Speaker 1 1:04:11

Poor cookie. So I was doing that. I think you actually like the arousal was building, you squirted a little bit, like, but I think like he started fucking you shortly after that, and he's like, Oh.

Speaker 3 1:04:24

He's like, whoa, yeah, this is how it's supposed to be, or this is amazing, dude. Like, you gotta warm it up. Right. That is good for everybody. Yes, that's good for everybody. Like, that's how you arouse a woman's body. It takes time for all the blood to go from the fingertips, all the extremities, to where it needs to go. We can't, it doesn't take us 10 seconds.

Speaker 1 1:04:51

No, definitely not.

Speaker 3 1:04:52

A minute, it takes more than a minute.

Speaker 1 1:04:54

Yeah, and uh so you know the the rest just kind of happened, but I think that's kind of where we'll stop and not bore you with the rest of the details. But

What We Would Do Differently

Speaker 1 1:05:02

I think that's tied back into the earlier discussion on attunement, is the dude was not in tune attuned to you at all. No, I think it was very goal-oriented. Like you said earlier, there seemed to be this switch that was flipped when I said, Hey, let's go to the bag, which was really again about comfort.

Speaker 3 1:05:21

Yeah, and and not we're not skipping steps. Right. Like, no, we don't we're not skipping.

Speaker 1 1:05:26

Right. And I don't think I've ever seen that. Like, it's not like we play with a ton of people, but I've never thus far, like I've never seen anybody rush that fast from no, I've not fucking it's like I've not had a guy do that, yeah, yet. It's like we're not 19, we're not like, hey, this is the only chance they're ever gonna get to fuck, and you you're just always juicy. Like, that's not a thing. Yeah. So being attuned.

Speaker 3 1:05:53

Also, if I if I was really juicy, that doesn't mean that I'm aroused.

Speaker 1 1:05:57

Absolutely.

Speaker 3 1:05:58

Like, it doesn't mean it's gonna I feel good and everything's gonna be plucked inside and just so happy. Like wetness just means wet. Wet is wet. It doesn't mean I'm ready. It doesn't mean anyone's ready.

Speaker 1 1:06:10

No. So that was I think that's it. That's our I think that's our example why we wanted to talk about that today. Is just you know, don't go in with goals, don't go in with like I've got to do all this stuff, don't go in with whatever that was. Like be there for yourself too, because I can't imagine it was that great for him either.

Speaker 3 1:06:30

It could not have been. It could not have been.

Speaker 1 1:06:35

Yeah, so we we wrap that up, but really it was all about just again, not the best experience ever because zero to win. Um, and that's where I think you want it to be fun, you want it to, you want to have a good time, you want your partner to have a good time, pay attention to the cues going on.

Speaker 3 1:06:52

Yeah. If I had my choice to do that, like like no, I'm gonna save a choice, like I don't want to repeat that ever again.

Speaker 1 1:07:00

And we talk about that, like this wouldn't be a no to playing with him again, but having that conversation up front of like okay, so let's talk about last time and the three of us. Yes, and then if you know, in the end, him, it's like if that's not the experience you're looking for, then hey, that's cool too. We just we're not we're not the couple that you're looking for, then. So we'll see. Um but again, live, learn.

Speaker 3 1:07:29

Yeah, like we're not this isn't spoiled or no ruined or day or anything.

Speaker 1 1:07:35

No, I think it's like you oh man, I always use weird things, but it was like one-o restaurant where you have this, you have a favorite meal there, and you're like, I love this, but I'm gonna try something different. And then you try and you're like, eh, I didn't really like this, but I tried it. At least I know I don't like it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So that wraps it up. We'll come back in just a minute and close out the show. Thanks. Okay.

Upcoming Plans And Sign Off

Speaker 1 1:08:04

Um, what do we got going on coming up? Do you know?

Speaker 3 1:08:08

Oh, uh yeah, in October. Well, I'm so excited about the October one. I know. I'm like, that's the one I'm like, but there's other things between now and then. Yeah. October, we're doing the Sin with room 77.

Speaker 1 1:08:23

We're really looking forward to that one.

Speaker 3 1:08:24

Yeah, you can tell that.

Speaker 1 1:08:25

Yeah, we're doing a house party in uh September. I think. No, actually, a couple weeks. August? Yeah, a couple weeks. Yeah, we haven't been to one in man, almost a year, I think. So this will be fun. We're looking forward to that. Um, gonna meet a couple next weekend just to see, you know, they're newer, kind of have a chat. Because I I also look like giving back to this community is a good thing. So I like to pass on what we've learned. Um and also trying to build a local community because for us, it's always driving hours away to go do things. Um, I'd like to not have to do that all the time. Um, but that's what's coming up for us. Um, so hopefully we'll be able to continue filling you in. I think next time we'll talk about our trip desire, uh Vier Maya, which is a really good time. Definitely want to kind of give our listeners a little bit of insight from our perspective, is newer to all of this, and hopefully that resonates. But with that, we'll sign off. I am Neo.

Speaker 3 1:09:24

And I'm Trinity.

Speaker 1 1:09:25

Have a great day, people.